Have you ever noticed how the best leaders make it look effortless? They walk into a room and somehow get their message across crystal clear, inspire action, and make everyone feel heard, all without breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, you’re standing in front of your team, armed with all the right words and brilliant ideas, but somehow your message isn’t landing. Trust me, it’s not because these other leaders were born with magical communication skills. They’ve just learned something most of us miss: effective communication isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being real.
I see this all the time in my coaching practice. Brilliant women who are absolute rockstars at running their businesses but feel like something gets lost between their vision and their team’s understanding. They’ve read all the books on communication skills, watched the TED talks, and maybe even taken some courses. But they’re still struggling to bridge that gap between knowing what to say and actually saying it in a way that connects.
Today, we’re going to change that. Not with corporate buzzwords or rehearsed speeches but with real, practical communication skills that feel natural and get results. Because here’s the truth: the best leaders aren’t always the ones who speak the loudest or the most eloquently – they’re the ones who know how to make genuine connections with their people.
1. Master the Art of Active Listening
Let me be honest. Most of us think we’re good listeners, but we’re actually just waiting for our turn to talk. True active listening is a game-changer, and it’s probably not what you think it is.
Active listening means putting away your phone (yes, really!), making eye contact, and truly focusing on what the other person is saying. But here’s the real secret: it’s about listening to understand, not to respond.
Try this: In your next conversation, challenge yourself to wait three seconds before you respond after the other person stops talking. You’ll be amazed at how this tiny pause can transform your conversations and help you build deeper connections.
2. Get Comfortable with Silence
This one might sound strange, but stick with me! So many women I work with feel the need to fill every moment of silence in a conversation. They ramble, over-explain, or backtrack because silence feels uncomfortable.
But silence is powerful. It gives others space to think and process. It shows confidence. And sometimes, it says more than words ever could.
The next time you’re in a meeting or having a tough conversation, try embracing those quiet moments instead of rushing to fill them. You’ve got this!
3. Use “I” Statements Like a Pro
Here’s something I see all the time: we tend to start sentences with “you” when we’re giving feedback or expressing concerns. “You didn’t meet the deadline,” or “You’re not following the process.” This instantly puts people on the defensive.
Instead, try flipping those statements to start with “I”: “I noticed the project was turned in late” or “I’m concerned about how we’re following the process.” This small change makes a huge difference in how your message is received.
Remember, the goal isn’t to avoid difficult conversations – it’s to have them in a way that builds relationships rather than damages them.
4. Read (and Use) Non-Verbal Cues
You’ve probably heard that most communication is non-verbal. But are you really paying attention to what your body language is saying? And more importantly, are you noticing what others are telling you without words?
Let me share a quick story. Last month, I was working with a client during our strategy day. She kept telling me everything was fine with her team, but her body language was screaming otherwise. Her shoulders were tense, she kept crossing and uncrossing her arms, and she wouldn’t make eye contact when discussing certain team members. When I gently pointed this out, she broke down and admitted she was having serious conflicts with her operations manager but felt too scared to address them.
This is why understanding non-verbal communication is so crucial! Here’s what to watch for:
- Crossed arms: Could signal discomfort, disagreement, or feeling defensive. If you notice this in a meeting, try changing your approach or asking open-ended questions to understand what’s causing the resistance.
- Leaning in: Usually shows engagement and interest. When you see this, it’s a good sign that your message is landing! Keep going and build on that connection.
- Fidgeting: Might indicate nervousness, impatience, or disagreement. If you notice someone fidgeting during a conversation, try checking in: “I sense there might be some concerns. What are your thoughts on this?”
- Eye contact: Can show confidence and connection, but be aware that comfort levels with eye contact vary across cultures and individuals. Find a balance that feels natural.
Your own body language matters just as much! I always tell my clients to practice “power posing” before important meetings. Stand tall, shoulders back, and head high! These small adjustments can boost both your confidence and your message’s impact.
5. Ask Better Questions
This is my absolute favorite communication skill because it’s so simple yet so powerful. I see so many women leaders falling into the trap of asking closed questions that lead nowhere. You know the ones: they get you those quick yes/no answers that don’t really tell you anything useful.
Instead, try asking open-ended questions that invite real conversation. Here are some examples:
- Instead of: “Did the meeting go well?” Try: “What were your main takeaways from the meeting?”
- Instead of: “Are you happy with the project?” Try: “What aspects of the project are you most excited about?”
- Instead of: “Is everything okay?” Try: “How are you feeling about where things stand?”
Good questions open doors to deeper conversations and better understanding. They show you’re genuinely interested in the other person’s thoughts and perspectives. Plus, they help you gather better information to make informed decisions as a leader.
6. Practice Emotional Intelligence in Communication
Emotional intelligence ties the rest of the communication skills together. This isn’t just about controlling your own emotions (though that’s important!). It’s about reading the emotional temperature of the room and adjusting your communication style accordingly.
For example, if someone comes to you frustrated about a project, they probably don’t want solutions right away. They need to feel heard first. Try reflecting back what you’re hearing: “It sounds like you’re really frustrated with how the timeline has shifted. Tell me more about that.”
This kind of emotionally intelligent communication builds trust and strengthens relationships. It shows people that you’re not just hearing their words – you’re understanding their feelings too.
Making It All Work Together
Now, I know what you might be thinking – “AliceAnne, this all sounds great, but how do I actually put it into practice?” Here’s my suggestion: start small and build up.
- Week 1: Focus on active listening. Put away distractions and really tune in to what others are saying.
- Week 2: Add in better questions. Challenge yourself to ask at least one open-ended question in every conversation.
- Week 3: Pay attention to body language – both yours and others.
- Week 4: Practice using “I” statements and emotionally intelligent responses.
Remember, you’re not aiming for perfection here. You’re aiming for progress. Some days you’ll nail it, and others… well, let’s just say we all have those moments when words come out sideways! That’s okay – it’s all part of the learning process.
Common Communication Pitfalls to Avoid
As we wrap up, let me share some common pitfalls I see even the most successful women fall into:
- Over-apologizing: You don’t need to say “sorry” for having an opinion or taking up space in a conversation.
- Minimizing language: Phrases like “just,” “kind of,” and “sort of” can undermine your message.
- Taking over conversations: Remember, good communication is a two-way street.
- Avoiding difficult conversations: The longer you wait, the harder they become.
Time to Take Action!
Communication skills are like muscles; they get stronger with practice. Start by picking just one of these skills to focus on this week. Maybe it’s active listening, or perhaps it’s getting comfortable with silence. Whatever you choose, give yourself grace as you practice.
Remember, you don’t have to transform your communication style overnight. Small, consistent changes add up to big results over time.
I’d love to hear from you! Which of these communication skills resonates most with you? What’s your biggest communication challenge? Drop me an email or join us in the Leading Ladies Facebook group to share your thoughts.
And if you’re ready to take your communication skills to the next level, let’s chat! Book a call with me, and we can work together to help you become the confident, powerful communicator I know you can be.
You’ve got this, leading lady! Your voice matters, and with these skills in your toolkit, you will make an even bigger impact.
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