307: Calling Out Controversy with Tara De Leon

Hi there. You’re listening to the Leading Lady podcast. I’m your host, AliceAnne Loftus, and I’m a certified professional coach specializing in leadership and work life balance. I work with clients to shift their limiting beliefs, insecurities, and self doubt. This podcast will be filled with tools and strategies to help high achieving women like you feel connected, empowered, and in the lead of your life, both personally and professionally. Let’s transform your life, starting now. Lead yourself. The rest will follow.

Hi there leading ladies and welcome to this week’s podcast. Today I am joined by my dear friend, my own personal trainer, fellow leading lady Ambassador Tara de Leon. She is a personal trainer. As I said, she’s my personal trainer, she’s a professor and author and studio owner who is redefining what strength looks like for women. As a co-host of the Wellness Rebranded podcast, which, by the way, ladies, I highly recommend you listen, she helps women build muscle, confidence and resilience, especially through fertility, pregnancy and postpartum. Her approach is weight neutral and rooted in helping women take space and feel at home in their bodies. Thank you so much, Tara, for being here with me today. I cannot wait to jump into our chat.

Tara: Thanks for having me. Always glad to be here.

AliceAnne: Yeah. So Tara and I were talking before the interview started and we were like, what the heck are we going to talk about? And Tara, you’ve kind of been a little bit controversial. And I think what pisses me off—sorry, this is probably going to be a heated episode—is why is it so controversial? Why? Why are you so controversial?

Tara: I mean, the easy answer is diet culture.

AliceAnne: Yeah.

Tara: Society does not like it when people do not look how they think they should look.

AliceAnne: Society doesn’t like when women do anything that is maybe a little out of line.

Tara: Yes.

AliceAnne: I literally was telling someone yesterday at the collective meeting, actually, she shared that somebody was like hating on her business for whatever reason. And I was like, dude, just let it slide off your back because it never really stops. You can’t win really in regards to society. I’m a plus size trainer, people hate that. But on the opposite end of the spectrum, do you remember Michelle Obama’s arms and how toned they were?

Tara: And everybody hated that too.

AliceAnne: Yeah. That a president’s wife shouldn’t have toned arms, right?

Tara: Correct.

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Controversy, Diet Culture, and Women in Society

AliceAnne: Yeah. It’s like the dumbest thing ever. But people just look for ways to tear each other down, which is one of the reasons why I think communities like Leading Lady are so important. But it’s always going to be something.

Tara: It’s always something. And as we were prepping for this, we were like, oh gosh, you’ve been through so much. There’s just been so much controversy around who you are, what you do, how you train people. Are you qualified? Yes. You’re very qualified, aren’t you?

AliceAnne: Very, very qualified.

Tara: But you don’t fit the norm. You don’t fit the societal standard.

AliceAnne: Yeah. Why are women controversial?

Tara: I don’t know.

AliceAnne: We pit each other against each other all the time. Working mom versus stay at home mom. Breastfeeding versus formula. Married versus unmarried. Why?

Tara: Like if you had kids too early or too late. It never stops.

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The Pressure of Being a Woman

AliceAnne: I was on a walk with my husband and I had this huge hat, sunglasses, gloves—it’s 90 degrees—and he said, “Why do you look like a beekeeper?” And I said, because I’m protecting my skin. And he said, “I love being a man. I get to age and look weathered.” And he said, “To be a woman in midlife and think about all this—I’m thankful to be a man.”

Tara: My husband says that a lot too.

AliceAnne: The pressure is immense.

Tara: It really is.

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Beauty Standards and Aging

AliceAnne: Everything about celebrities now—“she’s had too much work done,” “she doesn’t even look like herself.”

Tara: And if someone doesn’t do anything, they get criticized for that too.

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Stepping Back from Controversy

Tara: I’m very anti-confrontation. I don’t like conflict. I will stand up for what I believe in, but quietly. At some point you have to opt out of the controversy. For me, it was being a trainer in a plus size body. I had self-doubt like, do I even know what I’m doing? But I had to step back and decide I’m no longer going to be a part of that.

AliceAnne: Yeah.

Tara: I’m okay being outside the norm because those are my people.

AliceAnne: But controversy tells women that what they’re doing is wrong, even when it’s not.

Tara: Exactly. And it often means you’re doing something right.

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Becoming a “Disruptor”

AliceAnne: Would you consider yourself a disruptor?

Tara: No.

AliceAnne: I would. You’re disrupting diet culture and fitness norms.

Tara: It was never intentional. It just happened. Then I won Personal Trainer of the Year, and the comments were brutal. People said I shouldn’t have won because of how I look.

AliceAnne: That must have been awful.

Tara: It was shocking. No one asked about credentials. Just appearance.

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The Gym Demotion Story

Tara: Around the same time I was demoted at my gym because I didn’t fit their image. Despite being one of their top performers.

AliceAnne: That’s wild.

Tara: I came home, my emotions were everywhere, and I sat in a cheap chair that broke under me. It was just this chaotic moment of realizing something has to change.

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Building an Aligned Life

Tara: I didn’t realize how unaligned I was until I left. Now I control my environment, my studio, my music, my energy. I leave work energized instead of drained.

AliceAnne: I feel that in your studio. There’s no gym anxiety.

Tara: That was intentional.

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How to Handle Judgment

Tara: Sometimes you don’t lean out of controversy—you stand in it. But I don’t bring it up anymore unless it’s relevant. I focus on my credentials, not my body.

Tara: Also, stop assigning intent to people’s comments. Most people aren’t trying to hurt you.

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Perspective and Letting Go

Tara: A lot of things just aren’t that deep. We live in a world that loves outrage, but most of it doesn’t matter.

AliceAnne: My son says that all the time: “It’s not that deep.”

Tara: Exactly.

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Living Without Feeding Controversy

Tara: At the end of the day, I care about my family, my health, and my business. Everything else is not my business.

AliceAnne: We need more live and let live.

Tara: Yes. And get curious instead of judgmental.

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Closing Thoughts

Tara: Sometimes controversy is inevitable. You just learn to stop caring about what isn’t yours to carry.

AliceAnne: That perspective is everything.

Tara: If people don’t like how my body looks, they don’t have to look.

AliceAnne: Simple as that.

Tara: Simple as that.

AliceAnne: Tara, thank you for being here. I really appreciate you.

Tara: Thank you, friend.

AliceAnne: To our listeners—if any of this resonated with you, reach out. I read and respond to every email. Also check out Wellness Rebranded. Tara, anything coming up?

Tara: We’re taking on corporate wellness clients and offering workshops and organizational health audits.

AliceAnne: That work is so important for shifting culture.

Tara: Totally agree.

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Thank you for tuning in for another episode of the Leading Lady podcast. You can find all of the links and information mentioned in this episode at www dot dash dot com. If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss any future episodes. And while you’re there, it would mean the world to me if you would take a few seconds and leave me an honest review. This will allow me to help other high achieving women find inspiration, connection, and develop strategies to live and lead with purpose and intention. See you here next week.