I was scrolling through Facebook the other night when I stumbled upon one of those posts that just stops you cold.
It was in a spinoff group of a local women’s community here in Maryland. And in this group, people were absolutely ripping apart the founder of the original community. I’m not talking about, “Oh, that group stinks and ours is better.” No. They used her full name. They attacked her mental health. They tore apart her business model, her character, everything. It was vile. Just vile.
But here’s the thing: I don’t even like this woman. A few years ago, she actually called me and said, “Hey, I heard you don’t like me.” And I told her straight up, with my full face and my full government name, that no, I do not. I’m not someone who hides behind anonymous tags or avatars. What you see is what you get with me.
So why did that post still make me feel like I’d been punched in the stomach? Why was I willing to stand up for someone I don’t even agree with?
That’s what I want to talk about today. Because if you’ve ever put yourself out there as a business owner, as the actual face of your brand, you probably already know exactly where this is going.
The Post That Stopped Me in My Tracks
I sat with this for a while. I even posted in my own Facebook group, encouraging everyone to do better. To remember that businesses are run by people. Real people. And that if we come across someone who doesn’t align with our values, hopefully we can just choose to walk away instead of going for the throat behind a keyboard.
But then I had to be honest with myself about why it bothered me so much.
It wasn’t this virtuous, noble thing where I was riding in on a white horse to defend someone else. At the end of the day? I was standing up for myself. I was standing up for every woman who shows up and puts herself out there, knowing that the more visible she becomes, the more likely it is that people are going to reject her.
Because here’s the reality: this woman, regardless of how I feel about her personally, built something incredible. A resource that serves tens of thousands of women in our community. I run a smaller group, and I know firsthand how much work it takes to moderate, curate, and hold the integrity of a community like that. I have enormous respect for anyone who does it, even when I wouldn’t choose to have dinner with them.
And that respect? It comes from a place of knowing. Knowing that when you create something for others to consume, you cannot make everyone happy. The best of places will still get negative reviews.
Why Criticism Hits Different When You Are Your Brand
I’ve been a business owner for over 20 years. My first business was a preschool, and that’s a very different animal than what I do now with Leading Lady Coaching.
With the preschool, there were layers between me and the public. The business had its own name, its own logo, its own employees, and its own curriculum. Yes, the program’s values were my values, and yes, I still took it personally when someone was unhappy, but there was a buffer. My persona was protected.
Leading Lady is a completely different story. My face is the face of the business. My name is the name of the business. It is tied directly to my personal self. And that feels raw. Sometimes I feel very vulnerable, very naked, very exposed to harsh criticism.
If you’re a solopreneur, a consultant, a coach, someone who IS her business, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Every marketing specialist out there tells you the same thing: put your face out there. People need to know, like, and trust you. Show up on video. Use real pictures. Be visible.
And so many of us are over here like, “No. I don’t want people to see me. I don’t want to show up like that.”
But when you are the brand of your business, you have to show up. And the more you show up, the more people who see you. And just statistically? The more people will dislike you. Because they don’t resonate with you, or they don’t like your approach, or they’re jealous, or whatever. There are endless reasons someone can decide to be your critic instead of your champion.
You Can Be the Juiciest Peach, and Someone Still Won’t Like Peaches
That’s what this whole experience really brought up for me. You can be the juiciest peach in the world, and someone still doesn’t like peaches. And they’re going to shout from the rooftops about how horrible you are.
I’m in a season of growth right now. I’m having to step into a place where I’m really showing up, really putting myself out there. And knowing that the more I do that, the more likely it is that people will say what I’m putting out there is garbage. Or they just don’t like me because I’m me. They don’t want to see me win.
Now, I will say this, and it’s taken me a long time to actually believe it: the majority of people really do want to see you succeed. People love to champion other people. People love success stories. That shift in mindset has been huge for me.
But then there’s a small group. And they’re usually the loudest group. The ones who really want to see you fail. The ones hiding behind anonymous avatars, saying things they’d never say to your face.
You know what’s wild about that Facebook situation? So many of those people posted anonymously because they didn’t want to lose access to the very resources they were tearing apart. Think about that for a second. The resources were valuable enough that they didn’t want them taken away, but they still couldn’t resist ripping the person behind them to shreds.
That tells you everything you need to know about showing up and building something real, even when the criticism comes.
[IMAGE: Woman confidently speaking or leading a group meeting | Alt text: Woman entrepreneur showing up authentically in business and handling criticism with grace]
How to Handle Criticism with Grace (and Boundaries)
So what do we do with all of this? Honestly, I don’t have a perfect answer wrapped up in a bow. But I can share what I learned from sitting with this experience.
Lead with compassion, starting with yourself. What I realized is that the defensiveness I felt wasn’t really about the other woman. It was about my own fear. Fear of being next. Fear of putting myself out there and having a mass of people say terrible things about me. Recognizing that is powerful, because once you name the fear, it loses some of its hold on you. And from that place, you can have compassion for anyone else who shows up publicly, even imperfectly. At least they’re showing up. At least you know what’s on their mind. There’s nothing worse than a critic who disguises themselves as a friend, or one who’s so afraid of accountability that they can’t stand behind their own words.
Hold your boundaries without apology. Look, I powerfully, strongly, profoundly believe in women supporting women. And I also believe in holding boundaries for ourselves. Those two things coexist. You can be kind and empowering and supportive and all of those wonderful things, and you can still say, “Yeah, but I don’t support that particular person.” You can still choose not to be in the same room with someone whose values don’t align with yours. That’s not hypocrisy. That’s integrity.
Own your humanity. Here’s where I’m going to get really honest with you. There were two scenarios in just the last couple of weeks where I wasn’t my best self. Someone asked me, “Are you coming to support this woman?” and my knee-jerk response was, “Absolutely not.” And afterward, I felt kind of ugly about it. So I circled back, sent a message, and apologized. And you know what that woman said? “You weren’t ugly. You were honest.” That grace meant everything to me. We are people. We have human feelings. We get agitated, annoyed, triggered. Not everyone is our person. And that’s okay, as long as we’re willing to own it when we don’t show up the way we want to.
Keep showing up anyway. There’s this quote I love: “Maturity is realizing that not everyone has to hear your side.” I’m going to be the villain in some people’s stories. I know that. I’ve been doing this for over 20 years, and I know not everyone likes me. But I’m going to keep putting one foot in front of the next, doing the work I’m passionate about, trying to be good to people as best I can. And as long as my intentions are good and my heart’s in the right place, I’m going to hope that it lands and resonates with the right people. And if I hurt someone along the way? I’ll take accountability for that. I’ll apologize. Because that’s what leading with integrity looks like.
Finding Your People When Not Everyone’s Your Fan
Here’s the thing I keep coming back to. The goal was never to be everyone’s cup of tea. The goal is to find the people who value you, who respect and admire the work you do, who actually need the resources you’re putting out there.
I shared with my Ambassador community recently that I felt a little bit like a fraud. Standing up on social media for this woman while privately holding grudges and boundaries of my own. And they reminded me of something that I think every woman business owner needs to hear: Leading Lady stands for integrity, truth, and respect. Not a free pass just because you’re a woman. But a real community where you can be your true, authentic, honest, raw self.
That’s what I want for you, too. Whether you’re just starting out and terrified to post your first video, or you’ve been at this for years and the criticism still stings, I want you to know that showing up is always worth it. The people who need what you have to offer? They’re out there. And they’re cheering for you way louder than the critics are booing.
So what are we going to do, ladies? We’re going to continue to show up. We’re going to own our emotions. When we wrong someone, we’re going to say we’re sorry. We’re going to move forward, trying to do the next right thing. And we’re going to know that if we continue to show up as our best, authentic selves, we will find our people.
Ready to Find Your People?
If you’re looking for a community that gets it (the wins, the fears, the messy middle of building a business), I’d love for you to join us.
- Come hang out in my Leading Ladies Facebook Group, where more than 7,000 women entrepreneurs show up for each other every single day.
- Grab my free Strategic Planning Wheel if you’re ready to get clarity on where your business is headed next.
- And follow me on Instagram for more real talk about what it actually takes to build a business you love.
