I recently had a realization that completely shifted how I think about women supporting women in business. And it came from the most unexpected place: 4-year-olds.

Now, if you’re new here, you might not know that I’ve owned private childcare centers for the last 20-plus years. So I’ve spent a lot of time with 4-year-olds. And I will shamelessly admit that when I’m having a bad day, it crosses my mind to just pop into one of the centers and spend a little time with them. You know why? Because it is the fastest way to gain confidence.

Little kids have this uninhibited inclusion. They’re spontaneous and enthusiastic about how they compliment you. You walk in, and they swoop right in with, “Hi! You have cool shoes! I like your hair! Will you be my best friend?” And then you get an instant invitation to their birthday party or to come over and play.

They just want so badly to pull you into their friendship. There is no pretense or gatekeeping. It is just pure joy and connection.

But we’re adults, right? We can’t exactly go around inviting everyone we meet to our birthday parties. That’s because somewhere along the way, we lost something beautiful. And I think it’s time we got it back.

When Did We Lose This Openness?

As I reflect upon this, I often wonder. When did I start to shy away from being so open to put myself out there? And I think it’s a few things.

We’re fearful of judgment. We get stuck in that comparison and competition. You know, we’re sizing each other up. We’re saying, “Is this woman a threat to me? Am I as good as she is?”

We’re waiting for permission. We’re looking for an “in” before we reach out. As an introvert myself, I have social anxiety. I don’t want to impose or insert myself somewhere where I’m not wanted. So I’m usually waiting for that cue that says, “Hey, you’re safe here. Come on in.”

We’ve been burned before. I think all of us have a story we could share where we’ve been burned by a bad relationship or a partnership or a friendship. Any kind of ship! That ship has gone down and we’re usually the one left to deal with the wreckage. That can leave lasting scars and make us guarded.

We start to lose that spontaneous connection and openness, that willingness to compliment one another. And honestly? That childlike innocence of wanting to connect with others starts to fade.

How This Shows Up in Women-Owned Businesses

So here’s what happens when we carry all this baggage into our businesses:

We stay quiet about other women’s success. We’re afraid of feeling “less than,” so we stay quiet. We’re hesitant to tell another woman, “Wow, you’re really slaying it! I love what you’re doing. I see you out there. You’re crushing it!” Because I think we don’t want to be interpreted as not doing well ourselves.

But here’s what’s wild: it’s like if I compliment her, it must be because I’m not doing as well as her. And that’s simply not true. You can compliment somebody just because they’re doing well, and you could still be doing well too. It’s okay to give those compliments openly.

We gatekeep connections and resources. Listen, I am an open book. I love being a connector. It is one of my favorite things about being the leading lady of the Leading Ladies. I love connecting women together. I love sharing resources.

If there’s a solution or a person or a tool or a resource that I think is going to help you in your business, I’m going to share that. But I’ve learned that’s not normal. A lot of women don’t do that because they’re afraid. They’re thinking, “Hey, if I share this resource with you, you’re going to use it, and you’re going to be better than me.” Or, “I worked so hard to figure this out. Why would I share that with you? Go figure it out yourself!”

That is not the way to empower, encourage, and build each other up!

We believe there’s only room for one winner. I talk a little bit about this in my book, Take the Lead. Success is not pie! We don’t run out of slices of success. You have to be confident in yourself and know that another woman’s success, another woman’s win, is not going to take away from yours.

Just because another woman is doing well in her business doesn’t mean that automatically means you’re going to do less well in your business. It’s just not like that.

How to Adopt the 4-Year-Old Mindset

So, how do we get back to the mentality of those 4-year-olds? Here are some practical ways to start:

Say What You Admire Out Loud

Say what you admire about other women out loud. Send the DM. Write the comment. Make the compliment. Do it. Try it for just a week and see how you feel.

When you start complimenting other women without fear of how it reflects on you, something shifts. You stop worrying so much about whether you’re “enough” and start building genuine connections instead.

Reach Out First

Introduce yourself. Extend the invite. Make the connection.

Okay, I hear you, fellow introverts. That’s really hard and really exhausting. But if you just take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is coming from a place of kindness and connection, you’ll find it gets easier. As an introvert, I love a meaningful connection. So reach out and make that connection.

Include Other Women Freely

Collaborate. Uplift. Refer. 

If you know a woman who could be a possible solution to someone else’s problem, if she could be that resource, if she has that tool that can help someone else level up, refer her, share her, talk about her in rooms that she is not in, and cheer each other on.

It is so easy to focus on the negative. It is so easy to get tunnel vision as to what’s right in front of us. And I just encourage us all to expand our minds and think in a solution-focused way. When we are solution-focused, we can often think of the women and businesses that can contribute to those solutions.

Create Spaces That Feel Like Birthday Parties

Okay, hear me out. You’re invited to a 4-year-old’s birthday party. She is just so happy that you are there because in that moment you have just become her brand new best friend.

I try to treat my spaces like that. Take The Collective, for example. If you’ve been there, you’ll know what I’m talking about. I try to make events there welcoming and joyful. I want each woman to feel celebrated for showing up! 

When things feel like celebrations, even small ones, it really makes a difference.

Lead with Kindness and Curiosity

Stop expecting so much from people and just approach things with: How can I bring kindness into this? How can I help this person feel more connected? How can I connect with this person? Is there anything in this conversation that will teach me something? Is there an opportunity for me to grow here?

If we started approaching each other with curiosity and openness, and without armor, comparison, or conditions, we would build deeper connections, stronger businesses, and more joyful lives.

What We’re Really Looking For

I know that, for me, I often felt like uninhibited inclusion was lacking in the groups I attended or the spaces I entered. I would feel like, “I don’t know if I belong here.”

And I never feel that way when I’m around a 4-year-old. They’re pretty darn excited to see you, and they want to just shower you with friendship and inclusion. They’re so happy to get to know you and tell you all about themselves.

There’s just such warmth, joy, and a showering of friendship. And I think somewhere along the way, life hardens us, and we forget. We forget that inner child that just so deeply wants to connect.

If we were able to adopt that as women in business, really pull each other in, celebrate one another, and get to know each other in meaningful ways? It would all just look and feel a whole lot better.

You’re Invited to This Party

Here’s what I know to be true: entrepreneurship is hard. Leadership is hard. It’s lonely. And chances are, there are tons of other inner 4-year-olds that are just looking to say, “Will you be my business bestie? Will you come to my party? Will you come celebrate me? Can I celebrate you? Can I learn all about you? I admire everything about you and all the quirks and all the things.”

So let’s kind of step outside that insecurity. Let’s drop all the walls we’ve built over the years and just embrace that childlike authenticity. Embrace that uninhibited inclusion, and connect.

I do read and respond to every email I get. There’s always room for another business bestie at this party. So if you’re looking for your people, if you are ready to just find a space of inclusion, celebration, and acceptance—all the amazing things that make us feel like we’re part of something bigger than ourselves—I’d love to connect with you.

The Leading Lady community has a couple of different ways that you can get involved. If you’re local to Annapolis, we’d love to have you as a guest at The Annapolis Collective. We have a couple of meetings every month. Check out the events calendar to see everything happening both in person here in Annapolis and virtually.

And, of course, we have the Leading Lady Business Hub, a membership you can join from anywhere in the world. You’ll have access to all of the ambassadors, tons of resources, an online community, and weekly live coaching. The whole point of The Hub was to create a space where coaching is affordable and accessible, and where you have direct access to experts who can support your growth and development, whether personally or professionally.

You can also join us in the Leading Lady Facebook group. It’s totally free, and a great way to become part of the community from anywhere.

I’m just happy to have you in the Leading Lady community in any capacity.

Until next time, take the lead.