A while back, I was scrolling through social media between meetings, and a post stopped me cold. A former coaching client had launched something almost identical to what I offer. Same kind of service helping the same kind of women..
My stomach dropped.
I’d love to tell you my first thought was generous and big-hearted. It wasn’t. My first thought was something like “wait, isn’t that mine?” and right behind it, “is there even room for both of us?” If you’ve ever felt that exact twist watching someone “invade” your space, you’re in good company. I’ve been there, obviously. What I’ve learned since is that an abundance mindset is the thing that pulls you back out of that spiral, and it does a lot more than calm you down. It changes how your business actually grows.
So let’s talk about what it is, why scarcity sneaks in even when you know better, and how to make the shift in a way that holds up on a hard day.
What an Abundance Mindset Actually Is
An abundance mindset is an unwavering belief that there’s more than enough success, resources, and opportunity for everyone. Someone else’s win doesn’t equal your loss. Her good news doesn’t cost you a thing. It just means good things are happening in your industry, and you’re in that industry too.
The opposite is a scarcity mindset, where you believe there’s only so much to go around, so if she’s winning, you must be losing. That framing didn’t start with business coaches. It came from Stephen Covey, who described the scarcity mentality as seeing life like a single pie: if someone takes a big slice, there’s less left for everybody else. An abundance mindset flips it. It says the pie can get bigger. Or, honestly, that there’s more than one pie, and you can go bake your own.
I say a version of this to my clients all the time. Success is not pie! Just because someone gets a piece doesn’t mean there’s less for you.
The Preschool That Changed How I See Competition
Years ago, when I decided to open my second preschool, I chose a location that happened to be on the same street as two other childcare centers. I was a little scared, I’ll be honest. Three childcare centers, one street. It sounded like a recipe for splitting one small pie three ways.
But you know what happened? All three of our businesses kept growing. Each of us brought something a little different to the table, and the families in that area were actively looking for childcare. Having options on one street didn’t scare people off. It brought more of them to us, not fewer. The other centers weren’t draining my enrollment. They were proof that parents in that neighborhood wanted exactly what I was offering.
That experience rewired how I think about competitors, and it’s a big part of why I believe competition can actually be good for your business when you meet it with the right mindset.
How Scarcity Sneaks In, Even When You Know Better
I’ve spent nearly two decades in business, and many years coaching women through this exact thing, and I still felt my chest tighten when I saw that former client’s coaching launch. Knowing better didn’t make me immune.
That’s worth saying out loud, because the women I work with often think the scarcity feeling means something’s wrong with them. It doesn’t. It’s one of the most human reactions there is, and it shows up loudest when you care deeply about your work. The goal was never to stop feeling it. The goal is to notice it, name it, and decide not to run your business from there.
When you can catch the thought (“she’s going to get all the clients”) and question it, you’ve already done the hard part. Learning to make this shift is honestly one of the most important mindset shifts a woman business owner can make.
How to Shift From a Scarcity Mindset to an Abundance Mindset
So how do you actually do it, especially in a moment when your stomach is in knots? Here’s what works for me and for the women I coach.
Start by reframing the thought. When you catch yourself thinking “there’s not enough business to go around,” try “there’s plenty of opportunity for everyone, including me.” It feels a little forced at first. Do it anyway. The thought you practice is the thought that sticks. Psychologists who study this point to exactly this kind of deliberate reframing as one of the most reliable ways to make the change.
Then look outward instead of inward. Reach out to other people in your industry and find ways to support and learn from each other. A rising tide lifts all boats, and the women I know who network generously almost always end up with more opportunities, not fewer.
Share what you know, too. I used to worry that giving away my best ideas would leave me with nothing to sell, which is scarcity thinking in disguise. The opposite turned out to be true. When you share freely, you become the person people trust, and what goes around really does come around.
A few more shifts that help:
- Focus on growing your own offer instead of watching hers. Her success doesn’t shrink yours, and it might even open a door to collaborate.
- Your path is your own. The right clients find you when you stay true to your mission and your values, so quit trying to be the version of you that looks more like someone else.
- Refer people out. If you’re not the right fit for someone, send them to a person who is. That kind of generosity has a funny way of coming back around.
None of this is about pretending competitors don’t exist. It’s about deciding that other people’s success is information and inspiration, something you can learn from instead of something to fear. This is also where abundance and a growth mindset start to overlap, because both come from believing there’s room for you to keep getting better.
Where Scarcity Hits Hardest: Money and Pricing
If you want to find your scarcity mindset fast, look at how you price.
So many talented women undercharge because some quiet voice says “if I raise my rates, they’ll all go to someone cheaper.” That’s scarcity talking. An abundance mindset around money doesn’t mean ignoring your numbers or pretending the bills aren’t real. It means trusting that there are clients who value what you do and will gladly pay for it, so you don’t have to win every single lead by being the lowest price in the room. When you price from abundance, you tend to attract the people who were right for you anyway.
Choose Community Over Competition
The antidote to comparison is connection. Every time.
When you actually know the other women in your field, it gets a lot harder to see them as the enemy. That’s part of why I built The Collective, our in-person community here in Annapolis, and why I keep encouraging diversity inside it. Different perspectives and different strengths lead to the kind of collaborations and referral partnerships you’d never dream up on your own. (Some of my favorite business relationships started with women I could’ve easily seen as competitors.)
Abundance is what lets you trade comparison for collaboration. If you want more of that in your own circle, building supportive networks instead of rivalries is one of the most practical moves you can make this year.
When the Doubt Comes Back
It will come back, by the way. Mine did, plenty of times after that first launch panic.
After I saw my former client’s new offering, I took a breath and reminded myself of a few things I know to be true. I’ve been doing this for a long time. I have real relationships with my clients. I’ve built a brand that people trust and connect with. And most importantly, there’s room for all of us to succeed.
I’d keep your own version of that list somewhere you can find it. Write down the things that are true about you and your business on a good day, so they’re waiting for you on the day comparison creeps back in. You’ll need it, and it works.
Every Woman Finding Her Place
At the end of the day, when we talk about women’s empowerment and the growth of women leaders in business, the goal is for every woman to find her place. Not one woman, not the lucky few, but every single one of us.
Your talent, your story, and your way of doing things will always draw the right people to you. There’s more than enough room.
If you’re not sure where scarcity might be quietly steering your business, my free Strategic Planning Wheel is a simple way to see which areas are thriving and which ones need some attention. And if you want to be around women who cheer each other on instead of competing, come join us in the Leading Ladies Facebook Group. Nearly 7,000 of us are in there, and we’d love to have you.
There’s enough success to go around. I promise.
