Slap that smile on your face, and just stay positive, girl! If you’ve heard this before when expressing sadness, grief, or anxiety, it’s actually not helpful advice at all. Today let’s chat about why toxic positivity causes more harm than good and why we must make space for authentically feeling all the feels, both good and bad.
I’m AliceAnne Loftus, founder of Leading Lady Coaching. My mission is to empower women entrepreneurs to overcome self-doubt, balance professional ambitions with personal fulfillment, and access the strength to confidently lead their lives and businesses. But the journey isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. Challenges inevitably arise: stress, disappointment, burnout, uncertainty. Yet we often downplay struggles in our pressure-cooker quest for perfectionism.
Suppressing authentic emotions under the guise of “positivity” at all costs helps no one though. Today I’ll explore common forms of toxic positivity plaguing female entrepreneurs and simple strategies to start addressing real feelings productively. You can’t blaze trails when part of yourself stays trapped in old pain, crying out for understanding.
Social Media’s “Positivity” Mantras Gaslight Real-Life Challenges
The other day, a quote stopped me in my tracks on Instagram: “My trauma didn’t make me stronger, trauma traumatized me. I made myself stronger.” Whoa. Like many high achievers, I’d long repeated maxims like “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I’d brushed past pain, disconnected from it rather than allowing myself to fully feel, grieve, and process. In truth? Trauma hurts. Healing makes you stronger, but only if you courageously face the wounds.
Suppressing struggles while parroting “I’m #blessed!” on social media gaslights people experiencing adversity. Toxic positivity heaps shame and isolation onto sadness that is part of being human. And abused or victimized people absolutely do not deserve what happened to them; there’s no pretty silver linings there.
Yet when we don’t make space for hard emotions, we repress them deeper inside, right alongside creativity and courage.
Toxic Positivity Says Anger and Grief Make You “Bad Vibes”
How exhausting to act 100% fine 100% of the time! Start considering emotions as neutral messengers rather than good or bad. Refusing to acknowledge grief doesn’t delete it. Instead, it buries it alive to resurface later, likely at the worst possible moment.
If reading “positive vibes only!” triggers guilt when you’re having a bad day or difficult season that makes you “negative energy,” that’s toxicity woven into our culture. As human beings, the full spectrum of feelings is natural and healthy. Sometimes we shine bright holding hope for tomorrow; sometimes we need to disappear into soft darkness to nourish our souls anew. Both are vital rhythms.
When you accept yourself and others as beautifully complex, with no emotion too messy or too scary to touch, authentic connection becomes possible.
“What About Their Trauma Is Worse? Just Smile!” = Dangerous Stuff
“Well, what happened to me wasn’t nearly as bad as XYZ that she went through…”
Nope, stop it right there! Pain is not a competition about who hurts “more.” We must grant every woman permission to honor her emotions without comparing or minimizing them. Because our nervous systems process experiences uniquely, what devastates one person may feel less catastrophic to another. And that is perfectly okay.
When someone tries hushing your sadness by saying others would love to have your life, that completely invalidates your struggles. Real friends hold space for mutual humanity. They listen without judging, analyze without attacking, encourage in ways that make us feel strengthened to help ourselves.
3 Keys to Combat Toxic Positivity
Ready to break toxicity’s grip for good and start truly addressing emotions? Here are three research-backed strategies:
- Make Time for Self-Reflection: Carve out routines to check in with yourself, even using journaling prompts like:
- What pressured expectations emotionally exhaust me lately?
- What complex feelings have I avoided processing fully?
- If my best friend described these emotions, what advice would I give her?
- Set Healthy Boundaries Around Triggers: Whether an overly critical coworker or social media feed baiting comparison, take note of people and activities stirring up unhealthy patterns. Then limit exposure and refill your cup with affirming influences instead.
- Enlist Community Support to Process: Confide in non-judgmental friends about raw stuff like imposter syndrome, burnout, and grief over a failed launch. Their empathy lightens the load. In my Facebook group for high-achieving women entrepreneurs, for example, we inspire through shared wisdom. No toxic positivity allowed!
Battling messaging that your only value lies in being happy all the time takes courage but forges the way toward authenticity and freedom. You deserve to stand proudly in your full humanity, with your light and shadows embraced.
When someone tells you to “think positive!” next time sadness strikes, here’s your mantra: “My emotions don’t define my worth! But I lovingly accept my whole self.”
Take the First Step: Join Our Uplifting Community
If this conversation struck a chord with you, know you don’t have to navigate complex emotions alone. Women leaders like you need safe spaces to process real challenges and triumphs without judgment or toxic “just get over it” advice. That’s exactly why I created my signature group coaching program, the Leading Ladies Masterclass. In this transformative program, driven entrepreneurs come together to enhance leadership skills, overcome doubt, and access holistic success.
We dive deep into active listening, self-awareness, aligning work with purpose, and more. But most importantly? You’ll find a truly supportive sisterhood who understands the unique pressures of trying to balance it all. Vulnerability meets empowerment to unlock profound personal and professional growth, with tears, belly laughs, and cheers of victory included. If you’re ready to lead yourself authentically with both strength and softness, I invite you to learn more and apply today. Let’s shatter toxic positivity together and rise as the beautifully complex leading ladies we are!
JOIN THE LEADING LADY COMMUNITY
For more insights and strategies on leading a fulfilling life, both personally and professionally, I invite you to join my community:
- Tune into the Leading Lady Podcast.
- Connect with me on Instagram.
- Join the conversation in the Leading Ladies Facebook Group.
201: A Business Woman’s Guide to Achieving Success and Balance