When people talk about growing pains in business, they almost always mean the operational stuff. Hiring. Cash flow. Systems that worked when you had five clients but completely fall apart at twenty. Those are real, and they matter.
But those aren’t the growing pains that keep you staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m.
The ones nobody warns you about? They’re personal. They’re the ones that happen to you as a human being when your business starts getting bigger than your comfort zone. The fear of being seen. The sting of criticism from people who don’t actually know you. The weird grief of watching relationships shift because you’re no longer the person you were three years ago.
I’ve been a business owner for over 20 years, and I’ll tell you something: the operational growing pains have playbooks. The personal ones? Those you kind of have to feel your way through. So let’s talk about the growing pains that don’t make it into the business books, because I think you’ll recognize yourself in at least one of them.
Your Comfort Zone Doesn’t Grow at the Same Speed as Your Business
Here’s what I wish someone had told me early on. Your business will demand a version of you that you haven’t fully become yet. And that gap between where your business is going and where you feel ready to be? That’s the first growing pain, and it’s a big one.
I know this might sound kind of contradictory coming from me, but I’m actually an introvert. I’m a pretty private person. I keep my circle small. And yet I run a business that requires me to show up publicly, constantly. Every marketing specialist out there tells us the same thing: put your face out there. Be visible. People need to know, like, and trust you. Show up on video. Use real pictures.
And so many of us are over here thinking, “No. I don’t want to show up like that.”
My first business was a preschool, and that was a completely different experience. The business had its own name, its own logo, its own employees. There were layers between me and the public. My persona was protected.
Leading Lady Coaching is a different story. My face is the face of the business. My name is the name. When someone criticizes the business, they’re criticizing me. And that feels raw sometimes. Vulnerable. Exposed.
If you’re a solopreneur, a consultant, a coach, someone who IS her business, you know exactly what I’m talking about. The growing pain here isn’t about needing better systems or a bigger team. It’s about becoming the person your business needs you to be, even when that person scares you a little.
More Visibility Means More Opinions (Based on Less Information)
So here’s what happens as you grow. More eyes land on you. And those eyes? They’re forming opinions based only on the tiny sliver of you that you choose to share.
I think about this a lot. People forget that your social media presence, your online presence, is curated. It’s a fraction of who you actually are. But the more visible you become, the more people take that fraction and decide they know your whole story. They have opinions of who you are as a person, your life, your business, without actually seeing the full picture.
And the math just isn’t in your favor. More people seeing a small part of you equals more judgments built on incomplete information.
You know what’s wild? For every one criticism I get from a man, I probably get four from women. And that’s absurd to me, because I have built the entire Leading Lady platform around women supporting women. Community over competition. Women uplifting women. And yet the harshest comments still come from other women.
I’ve sat with that. I’ve thought about why comparison hits so hard between women. And what I’ve come to realize is that we all define success differently. I’ve never promised to help anyone build a six or seven-figure business. I’ve never measured success by money alone. For me, success comes from peace. Impact. Flexibility. Being able to have a balanced life with my family, my friendships, and meaningful work. And yet, even knowing that my definition of success is totally different from someone else’s, we still compare. We still judge. We still feel that little prick of envy or insecurity when we see another woman doing something we wish we were doing.
That comparison is one of the sneakiest growing pains in business. And recognizing when social media is pulling you into that trap is half the battle.
Your Mistakes Get a Bigger Audience
Here’s the thing about growing pains that people don’t talk about enough. When your business was small, your missteps were small too. A pricing mistake, an awkward email, a social media post that didn’t quite land. Few people noticed.
But the bigger your business gets, the more your imperfections are on display.
Spoiler alert: none of us is perfect. And if you have eyes on you and you’re putting yourself and your business out there, people are going to see your missteps. They’re going to see the bumps and bruises. They’re going to see the things you maybe didn’t do at your best. And you will be judged on that.
You know what I think fear of failure really is? It’s the fear of others seeing the failure. At least for me, it’s not about the mistake itself. It’s about performing that mistake on a bigger stage.
This is why so many women entrepreneurs resist growth, even when they want it. It’s not that they don’t want success. It’s that success means more exposure, and exposure means less room to be human. Less room to figure things out quietly.
I go out of my way to ask people what they think of my programs, my services, and how they experience the Leading Lady community. Sometimes, the answers make me cringe a little, but I’d rather hear the hard stuff than keep doing something that isn’t working. I always want to make it better. That’s the thing, right? You can be good at what you do and still have room to grow. But you’ll never find that room if you’re so afraid of what people might see that you stop asking the questions.
Not Everyone Will Come With You
This might be the most painful growing pain of all, and I don’t think enough people talk about it.
When you grow, not everyone will be comfortable with your evolution. People often want to keep you in the narrative they have for you. So when you change or expand or step into something new, some people are going to see themselves reflected in that growth, and they’re not going to like it. Maybe they’re not ready for their own change. Maybe your growth triggers their own fears. Whatever the reason, they pull back.
Sometimes this looks like open criticism. Sometimes it looks like comparison or envy. But sometimes, people just disengage. They unsubscribe. They quietly step away. And you’re left sitting there wondering, “What didn’t land? Did I offend them? Was my product not good enough? Do they just not like me?”
That silent criticism is almost worse than someone saying something harsh to your face, because at least then you know what you’re working with.
I got a lot of criticism in my early years of business that I never would’ve been able to be a business owner if my husband hadn’t funded everything. People just assumed that, without knowing anything about my actual story. And that narrative stuck for years. Even now, over 20 years later, some people are still holding onto that assumption. It’s a reminder that people will create a story about you, and sometimes no amount of evidence will change it.
But I want you to hear this too, because it’s taken me a long time to actually believe it: the majority of people really do want to see you succeed. People love to champion other people. People love success stories. There’s a small group that’s usually the loudest, the ones who really want to see you stumble. But they are the minority.
The growing pain is learning who stays, who goes, and finding a way to be okay with both. And believing that what you can’t always see is still growing beneath the surface makes a real difference.
How to Lead Through the Growing Pains (Without Shrinking Back)
So what do we do with all of this? I want to start here: even when you’re confident, even when you know you have a good business, and you’re doing good things, these growing pains still sting. And that’s okay.
We’re taught by so many motivational memes to just ignore the noise. But I don’t want you to ignore it. I want you to recognize the emotion, feel the feels, and process them. The worst thing we can do is act like our feelings aren’t real.
So acknowledge it. And then try these things.
Filter what deserves your energy. Who’s giving the feedback? Is it a client? A mentor? A random keyboard warrior? Be really discerning about who gets your attention. And then ask yourself: Does this criticism actually align with my mission and values? Does it matter?
Look for the nugget. We actually talked about this recently in The Hub. Even poorly delivered feedback, even someone who’s raging and spitting criticism at you, might have a nugget of truth buried in there. Filter through the delivery and ask, “Is there something here that can actually help me improve?”
Release the noise. Not every opinion deserves a seat at your table. Once you’ve checked the source, checked alignment with your values, and looked for insight, and there’s nothing useful there? Let it go. I know that’s easier said than done. But just because someone has an opinion of you doesn’t mean you have to act on it.
Build a feedback practice on your terms. Don’t wait for criticism to come to you. Go to people you trust, and ask them to be straight with you. I have a handful of trusted people that I go to and say, “Play devil’s advocate for me. Help me see what I don’t see. What are my blind spots?” Not yes-people. Real people who want to help me be my best.
Set boundaries that protect your energy. You don’t have to read every comment. You don’t have to respond to every DM. I moderate a Facebook group with nearly 7,000 members, and I’ve had to learn to filter the negativity to protect myself. That’s not a weakness. That’s wisdom.
Practice emotional regulation. This is a big one, and I wish I were better at it. I’m a verbal processor and a hothead, and my first instinct is to overexplain. But I’m learning: pause before responding. Write it out, even if you never send it. Talk it through with someone you trust. Give yourself space to process before you react.
If you’re in a growth mindset, rather than a fixed one, you start to see these challenges as part of the path rather than proof that something is wrong.
And here’s the mantra I keep coming back to: I rise in wisdom, and I build with joy. Even in the face of growing pains. Even when someone sends me a heavy DM trying to pull me into drama. I choose not to engage. I respond with kindness. I wish them well. And I get back to the work that lights me up.
Research backs up how real these emotional struggles are. A survey of more than 200 entrepreneurs found that nearly 88% struggle with at least one mental health challenge, with anxiety, stress, and feelings of isolation leading the list. Knowing that makes it a little easier to stop pretending you should have it all figured out. You’re not broken. You’re growing. And growing is hard.
Growth Is Supposed to Feel Like This
Here’s what I want to leave you with. If you’re feeling the growing pains right now, if business growth is bringing up fear and discomfort and criticism and all the messy personal stuff that nobody puts in a business plan, that’s not a sign something is wrong.
It’s a sign you’re doing something big.
If someone disagrees with you, it means you’re putting yourself out there. It means you’re sharing who you are and what you believe. And that takes courage. Growth and discomfort are inseparable. The goal was never to make the pain go away. The goal is to lead through it with wisdom and joy, and to have people around you who get it.
You are not alone in this.
If you’re looking for a community and coaching to walk through these growing pains with you, I’d love for you to join us in The Hub. We talk about this stuff all the time. We just had a really powerful conversation about standing in your expertise while staying open to feedback, and it was one of those moments where everyone in the room felt seen.
Want more real talk and connection? Come hang out in the Leading Ladies Facebook Group, where more than 7,000 women entrepreneurs show up for each other every single day.
And if you’re ready to get some clarity on where your business is headed next, grab my free Strategic Planning Wheel. It’s a great starting point for figuring out which growing pains to tackle first.
Follow me on Instagram for more honest conversations about what it actually takes to build a business you love.
