Empower Your Relationships with Active Constructive Response

We talk about conflict all the time. How to fight fair. How to have those conversations nobody wants to have. The hard stuff.

But here’s what’s wild. It’s not the hard conversations that make or break your relationships. It’s the good news. The celebrations. How you show up when someone’s excited about something.

Weird, right?

The way you respond to someone’s good news might be even more important than how you handle their bad news. And there’s actually a name for the best way to do this: the active constructive response.

When Good News Goes Wrong

Let me tell you what happened to me a few years back. I’d just landed this amazing new client. I was so pumped. Like, genuinely buzzing with excitement.

I called someone close to me to share the news. I thought she would be just as excited as I was. Her response? “Oh, that’s nice.”

That’s it. Just… “that’s nice.”

It felt like someone had let all the air out of my balloon. Not because she said anything mean. She didn’t! But because my excitement just… hit a wall.

Most of us don’t even realize we’re doing this to the people we care about.

The Four Ways We Respond 

People respond to good news in four different ways. Let me walk you through what this looks like in real life, and then we’ll talk about how the active constructive response can transform your relationships.

Let’s say someone just told you they bought a new house.  Here are the four ways you could respond:

  • The Passive Positive Response: “Oh, that’s nice.” Positive? Sure, I guess. But gives the same energy as responding to someone giving you their coffee order. It’s not mean, but it doesn’t celebrate them either.
  • The Passive Negative Response: “Okay, cool. Hey, did you see that email I sent you?” This one hijacks the conversation. Trust me, I’ve done this myself when I’m distracted or busy. But what it communicates is: “Your good news isn’t important enough to hold my attention right now.”
  • The Active Negative Response: “Why on earth would you buy a house? They’re so expensive! And the maintenance…” Ouch. This one tears down instead of building up. Even if you have valid concerns (and maybe you do!), leading with criticism when someone shares good news? That damages trust fast.
  • The Active Constructive Response: “Oh my gosh, I’m so excited for you! Where did you buy it? When do you move in? I want to hear all about it!” This is the one. This is where the magic happens. An active constructive response matches or exceeds the other person’s excitement. It validates their feelings and invites them to share more about their joy.

Why This Actually Matters

Last month, one of my clients told me her team felt disconnected. Not toxic. Just… meh. People showed up, did their work, left. But there was no energy. So I asked her: “When was the last time you celebrated someone’s win?”

She had to think about it. Her marketing manager had landed their biggest client in three months. My client’s response? “Great, send me the contract.”

Then she moved on to the next fire. She wasn’t being mean. She was drowning in her to-do list. But her team member remembered. Remembered that this huge win barely registered.

Three months of that? People start looking for new jobs.

Here’s what I notice with the businesses that thrive: The teams that genuinely celebrate each other’s wins work harder and stick around longer. The business partnerships that last decades? Those people get excited about each other’s successes.

It’s not about being fake or over-the-top. It’s about being genuinely present for someone else’s joy. And here’s the cool part about active constructive responses: people remember how you made them feel.

When you actually celebrate someone’s win? They come back to you next time something good happens. They want to tell you first. Because they know you’ll be genuinely happy for them.

That trust you build? That’s what keeps your best employees from leaving. That’s what turns clients into longtime partners. That’s what makes your business friendships actually mean something.

How to Master the Active Constructive Response

Okay, let’s get practical. Here’s what I wish someone had told me years ago about giving an active constructive response:

  • Stop what you’re doing. I mean it. Put down your phone. Close your laptop. Turn your body toward them. Your full attention is the first gift you give.
  • Match their energy. If they’re bouncing off the walls excited, you can be excited too! An active constructive response doesn’t mean you have to be more enthusiastic than they are (that can feel weird), but meet them where they are emotionally.
  • Ask questions that invite them deeper. Not interrogation questions—curious, open questions. “How did you feel when that happened?” “What are you most excited about?” “Tell me more about that!” These questions are the heart of an active constructive response.
  • Let them know you see them. Say things like, “Your hard work really paid off” or “I love seeing you this happy.” You’re acknowledging not just the achievement, but the person.

Here’s what this looked like for me just last week: A client told me she landed her first five-figure contract. Instead of just saying “Congrats,” I gave her an active constructive response. I asked her to walk me through the moment she got the news. We spent ten minutes talking through how she felt, what she did first, who she called. And you know what? That conversation deepened our relationship in a way that talking about strategy never could.

What If You Mess This Up?

You will. We all do.

There will be times when you’re distracted, stressed, or just having a rough day, and someone shares good news with you. You might give them a passive response without meaning to, when what they needed was an active constructive response.

That’s okay. We’re human.

But here’s something I’ve learned: You can always come back to it. “Hey, I didn’t respond well when you told me about [thing] earlier. I was distracted, but I want you to know I’m really happy for you. Can we talk about it now?”

That honesty? That repairs the connection.

Practice Active Constructive Response This Week

Being someone’s cheerleader doesn’t diminish you. It doesn’t take anything away from you to celebrate someone else’s win with an active constructive response. Actually, it enriches your life too—because joy is contagious, and authentic connection feeds your soul in ways that nothing else can.

Start paying attention this week to how you respond when people share good news with you. Notice your patterns. Are you giving passive responses when you could be giving active constructive responses? And then choose—actively choose—to be the person who makes others feel seen, heard, and celebrated.

Because at the end of the day, that’s what this whole entrepreneurship journey is about, right? Building a life and business where we lift each other up. Where success isn’t a zero-sum game. Where your win is my win, and we all rise together.

Until next time, keep showing up authentically!

Join the Leading Lady Community

If you’re inspired to enhance your communication skills and empower your relationships, I invite you to join my vibrant community of high-achieving women:

Together, let’s lead our lives with purpose, positivity, and empowerment.

Related Posts