313: How to Be an Impactful Leader as an Introvert with Melissa Roberg: Fan Favorite Replay

Hi there. You’re listening to The Leading Lady Podcast. I’m your host, AliceAnne Loftus, and I’m a certified professional coach specializing in leadership and work-life balance. I work with clients to shift their limiting beliefs, insecurities, and self-doubt. This podcast is filled with tools and strategies to help high-achieving women like you feel connected, empowered, and in the lead of your life, both personally and professionally. Let’s transform your life starting now. Lead yourself. The rest will follow.

AliceAnne Loftus: Hi there, ladies, and welcome to today’s episode. I am joined by Melissa Robberg. She is originally from South Africa and is currently living in the Netherlands, absolutely loving life. She is a leadership coach for introverts, which I think is absolutely incredible. Melissa, welcome to the podcast.

Melissa Robberg: Thank you, and thank you for having me. It’s awesome to be on this podcast. Really, really amazing. Thank you.

AliceAnne Loftus: Fantastic. Melissa, you and I are both iPEC graduates, and we have a very dear mutual friend, Leonie Wild. Leonie is my coaching sister. We went through it together. She is just a joy in my life, and I’m thrilled to know that we have that connection and that you had the opportunity to work with her.

Melissa Robberg: Definitely. She’s an amazing woman and an amazing Leading Lady as well.

AliceAnne Loftus: Yes, she is. Melissa, you have a very specific niche, and I absolutely love that you’re shedding light on the importance of understanding how introverts can be leaders. Many people are often shocked to hear that I am actually an introvert. We were talking in the pre-interview, and I said, “I’m an INFJ.”

How did you get started in this, and what pulled you to this niche?

Melissa Robberg: Basically, I got started as an introvert leadership coach because I’m an introvert myself. Through life circumstances, careers, relationships, and experiences where my traits weren’t necessarily accepted, it was difficult at times to be seen and heard as an introvert. That’s what led me to want to help other people see that they are unique as they are. Introversion is not something you need to overcome. It’s something you can embrace to propel yourself forward in life.

Misconceptions About Introverts

AliceAnne Loftus: What do you believe are some misconceptions about introverts?

Melissa Robberg: I think being shy is one of the biggest misconceptions. Being shy is not a trait of introversion. It’s something different. Anxiety is another misconception. That’s not a trait of being an introvert either.

Introversion is really about energy. Introverts are generally more suited to less stimulating environments, whereas extroverts tend to seek more stimulating environments. That’s one of the key differences between the two.

AliceAnne Loftus: People are often shocked to hear that I’m an introvert because I have a very bubbly personality. I lead workshops and show up in many different places. The key thing to point out is that introversion has to do with your energy, how you replenish it, and what drains it.

Melissa Robberg: Exactly. People think introverts can’t stand on stage or give presentations, but it’s amazing how many introverts actually do that, and how energizing it can be for them.

How Introverts Can Be Impactful Leaders

AliceAnne Loftus: Talk to us about how introverts can be impactful leaders.

Melissa Robberg: There are many strengths associated with introversion. A lot of introverts spend time thinking deeply. When you’re heading into a meeting or engagement, it can be useful to use that strength to prepare beforehand.

Because introverts may be more reserved or quieter, they often become excellent listeners. They take the time to actively listen, absorb feedback, and understand what others are thinking and feeling. Empathy is definitely a trait of an impactful leader.

Another important thing is not feeling pressured to respond immediately. Today’s world often expects quick responses, but there is power in pausing, reflecting on your thoughts, and then sharing them once you’ve connected them together.

AliceAnne Loftus: Pause is actually my word for 2021. We’ve been conditioned to respond immediately. I’m a fast processor, but that doesn’t mean I don’t benefit from taking time to fully process what I’m thinking and feeling before responding. As introverts, we’re often pushed to do, respond, and act quickly, so it can be a challenge. I love that you talk about the power of pausing.

Melissa Robberg: It’s amazing what that little bit of space can do. When you pause, you also develop leadership presence. People are waiting to hear what you have to say next. That pause establishes presence, and that’s something that can really benefit introverts.

Accepting Your Natural Traits

AliceAnne Loftus: You talk about accepting your natural traits. Tell me more about that.

Melissa Robberg: We all have natural strengths and traits. Accepting them means not trying to be somebody you’re not.

There is a very extroverted ideal in the world, and many people feel pushed to be someone different. That can lead to overwhelm and energy drain. When you understand that you need time to recharge, you can prepare accordingly and show up more effectively.

It’s about asking yourself, “How do I work with my natural tendencies? What strategies can I put in place to turn them into strengths and use them to my advantage?”

AliceAnne Loftus: I think awareness is key. I also think it’s important to surround yourself with people who accept your traits.

My closest girlfriends are incredibly understanding about the fact that I need a lot of alone time. I’m not that friend who wants to hang out all the time.

When the pandemic hit, I was actually pretty thrilled. I was living my best COVID life.

What I love about my core group of friends is that they don’t take it personally when I need downtime. It’s one thing to accept your traits yourself, but it’s another thing entirely to surround yourself with people who celebrate those traits.

Melissa Robberg: Definitely. That’s what makes you who you are. That’s what makes you the friend, leader, and person you are. That acceptance is key.

AliceAnne Loftus: I remember a friend giving me a candle from Malicious Women Candle Company that said, “I love when you come over, but please go home by 9:00.”

I thought, “Yes. That’s exactly right.”

Managing Your Energy

AliceAnne Loftus: Another key point we wanted to touch on is how precious our energy really is. Talk to us about how introverts can manage their energy.

Melissa Robberg: This is probably the biggest piece.

It’s about becoming aware of your energy and understanding what affects it. Social interaction is often a major factor for introverts. Knowing your limits before you become overwhelmed is incredibly important.

It’s easy to give too much of your energy away. That’s why boundaries are so important. Maybe you decide you’ll only do two or three meetings a day because that’s what you can realistically handle. Maybe you recharge before and after meetings. It’s about understanding your own limits.

AliceAnne Loftus: When I’m coaching, my limit is two clients a day. People say, “That’s only two hours of coaching.”

I explain that it’s really closer to five hours when you include preparation, reviewing notes, and recovery time afterward.

Many coaches are nurturing and empathetic. We have to create boundaries and give ourselves space to separate from that energy and recharge.

Melissa Robberg: Exactly. Paying attention to your body and what’s happening within you is so important.

AliceAnne Loftus: I also think it’s important to manage your priorities. Some days are naturally more draining than others. For me, I can push through a demanding day if I know I’ve intentionally built in recovery time afterward.

Melissa Robberg: That’s exactly how I design my workweek. Building those spaces into your schedule creates mental clarity and prevents you from getting stuck in constant thought loops.

What to Do When Your Energy Is Low

AliceAnne Loftus: What advice would you give to listeners who feel like their energy is very low?

Melissa Robberg: I think it’s time to take stock of what’s been draining your energy.

Often we don’t pay attention until we’re already depleted. Ask yourself the hard questions:

Why am I feeling this way?

What’s causing this?

Once you’re aware of the source, you can begin identifying ways to recharge and regain your vitality. Ask yourself what you truly need.

Leadership as a Journey

AliceAnne Loftus: I love how you talk about leadership as a journey of self-mastery and skill development. Tell me more about that.

Melissa Robberg: Think about planning a holiday. There are so many steps involved before you ever reach your destination.

Leadership is similar. Along the way, there are obstacles, mistakes, and challenges. But you’re moving toward becoming a more confident and competent leader.

You learn new skills. You have difficult conversations. You encounter situations where you don’t perform as well as you’d hoped. The key is learning from those experiences and using them to grow.

AliceAnne Loftus: I often think of leadership as a spiral staircase. As we climb, we may revisit similar situations, but we’re seeing them from a higher perspective with greater wisdom and stronger skills.

Melissa Robberg: Exactly. You’re seeing a wider view and a bigger picture each time.

Melissa’s Three Steps for Introvert Leaders

AliceAnne Loftus: I looked at your free resource, Three Steps to Propel Yourself as an Introvert and a Leader, and I absolutely loved it.

You’re talking about confidence in your abilities, replenishing your energy, and developing confidence in your voice. Where can our listeners learn more about you and your services?

Melissa Robberg: Thank you, Alison. The best place to start is my website. From there, people can access the Three Steps training and download it easily.

I’m also very active on LinkedIn. I’m on Facebook as well, including the Leading Ladies community, but LinkedIn is where I spend most of my time. I’d love to connect with everyone there.

AliceAnne Loftus: I’ll be sure to include all those links in the show notes.

Final Thoughts

AliceAnne Loftus: One thing I hear from introverted women in our community is that they worry they don’t have a strong leadership presence.

But both you and I are introverts, and we know so many introverts who are powerful, effective leaders. Being a deep thinker and an empathetic listener is almost a superpower.

So introverts, don’t sell yourselves short. Embrace your traits and have confidence in your abilities.

Melissa Robberg: Absolutely. Find power in those traits. Own your power.

AliceAnne Loftus: Any final thoughts you’d like to leave our listeners with?

Melissa Robberg: I think we’ve covered a lot today. As a leader, first understand what is unique about you. Understand your traits, own them, and then use them to positively impact the people around you.

That’s what I’d like to leave you with today.

AliceAnne Loftus: Thank you, Melissa. I loved having you on today’s episode.

And until next time, ladies, take the lead.

Thanks for tuning in for another episode of The Leading Lady Podcast. You can find all of the links and information mentioned in this episode at leadinglady-coaching.com.

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