302: Navigating Uncertainty with Grace & Kindness: Fan Favorite Replay

Hi there. You’re listening to the Leading Lady podcast. I’m your host, Allison Loftus, and I’m a certified professional coach specializing in leadership and work-life balance. I work with clients to shift their limiting beliefs, insecurities, and self-doubt. This podcast will be filled with tools and strategies to help high-achieving women like you feel connected, empowered, and in the lead of your life, both personally and professionally. Let’s transform your life starting now. Lead yourself. The rest will follow.

Hi there, leading ladies. I cannot believe we are almost through the month of June. The last couple months have been an absolute blur. I’m sure that I’m not alone when I say that trying to run small businesses and go through e-learning, distance learning with your kids, and keep everyone healthy and safe and moving forward has been challenging to say the least. As we’re getting through this time and things are starting to open up and people are really starting to get more familiar with how they’re operating and schools are wrapping up, I know my own children are so thankful that distance learning is over. I think that I can speak for the majority of people that I have spoken with over the last two months, almost three months, that we’re all pretty much tapped out. Our emotions have been all over the place and we’re pretty exhausted. Add in that our society is really going through a tumultuous time right now and a sensitive time.

Navigating Emotional Exhaustion and Uncertainty

A wound has been opened. We’re talking about difficult things. We’re talking about racism. We’re talking about how to be anti-racist. We’re talking about how to be allies to our friends and family and coworkers and community members who happen to be people of color. There’s just, I think emotions are running so high and everyone is feeling very vulnerable and very sensitive and at times insecure as to what the right thing is to do, what is the right thing to say. How are they showing up? How am I showing up?

And the general temperature that I have seen, at least in my communities, social media communities, my friendship groups, and even my professional communities, I feel that the general temperature is that everyone is feeling very depleted and very cautious and unsure of how to move forward, whether it be personally, professionally, socially, and even politically. I have found myself at times wanting to shut down, wanting to pull back, wanting to ignore everything that’s out there because it is so emotionally and mentally draining.

And I remind myself that as women in leadership, people are really looking to us to be inspired or to be supported, or for validation or understanding, compassion of how they’re feeling. So I think the greatest thing that I have allowed myself to do is to just be honest.

And I’ll never claim to have all the right words or the right answers to things, but I will always promise to be transparent and honest about who I am and how I feel. The last couple months have been really hard. I, like many others in small business, I have worried about my business operating my private childcare centers. We were able to get both of my locations approved to serve essential personnel. During most of COVID, as regulations have changed and the orders have lifted, we are operating at almost full capacity now, and it’s nice to see families back.

However, the last couple months going through that, it was a lot of adjusting and a lot of uncertainty and not really sure what to expect next or if our business was even going to make it. I am incredibly proud and grateful for the amazing directors, teachers, and support staff that our program has. But it came at a price in that everyone’s stress levels were very high, and it was a very challenging time.

I have watched colleagues and other small business owners in my community really struggle, and some of them have had to close their doors indefinitely or permanently. And that’s been really hard to watch. As someone who is very passionate about supporting small business, it’s been hard to see that our community, the small businesses that make up our community, were really hurting.

Facing Social Tension and Showing Up as a Leader

So as things are opening back up, we are seeing lots of new processes, new ways of doing business. People have been very innovative and adjusting to the new regulations that are out there to allow businesses to operate safely.

With that, our society is in a crisis. There’s no easy way to talk about racism. There’s no easy way to talk about injustice. There are opinions and feelings, and people can claim that it’s politics. They can claim anything. I have found that people will try to justify things in ways to make sense of it. And bottom line is we really just have to acknowledge that people are hurting and that there are voices crying out for help and for justice and for equality and understanding and compassion and fairness.

And really, the only right answer to that is to respond with, what can I do to be better? I have seen communities fall apart online, Facebook groups, social media accounts, public figures, influencers completely be ripped apart. And it’s very sad to see because I think most people come from a good place. They come from good intentions, but they don’t quite fully see the big picture or see how people are hurting and what they need right now.

They need you to listen and they need you to understand, and they need you to be an ally. We need to be each other’s allies as human beings. We need to look out for one another and practice fairness and inclusion and support to all.

And I think that there’s been a lot of back and forth on social media platforms, and people are angry and they’re hurt and they’re defensive and unsure. They’re insecure about how to respond. And it just creates this kind of mixing bowl of a lot of very uncomfortable emotions.

I have myself wanted to turn away. I’ve wanted to hide. I’ve wanted to shut it down. I’ve wanted to take a break. And I have to remind myself that change only happens when we step out of our comfort zone, when we have those difficult conversations, when we educate ourselves, educate others around us, share knowledge, share experiences, listen to one another.

And sometimes it’s going to get a little heated. I have reminded people around me that we all have a voice that wants to be heard. And so it’s okay to express yourself and to express your feelings. And we want to hear you. And let’s do it with an open mind and with consideration that just as I have a voice, you have a voice as well.

And I feel that the Leading Lady community, my Facebook group that I moderate, we’re almost at 5,000 members. I will say that I have been incredibly impressed and proud of how respectful and how informative the group has been.

The general intent of the group has been to support and educate and empower one another through this.

Grace Over Perfection

Having said all that, I feel that people are just really exhausted. They’re exhausted from the constant conflict. Conflict with their businesses, conflict with their children, conflict with society, conflict with just everything. It just seems like every time you turn around, there is conflict.

So for today’s podcast, I really want the message to be about grace and kindness. I want you to have grace with yourself. That if you haven’t been showing up as your best self, if you’ve felt insecure or uncertain, or you felt that you should have handled things differently, or said things differently or done things differently, that you give yourself a little bit of grace in that we’re all going through our own experiences right now, and we’re all facing challenges, and we’re all trying to do the best that we can, and our stress is very high.

Give yourself grace. Give your family grace. I mean, I know my children really had a hard time with distance learning. I was disappointed in that. I had hoped that it would have gone a little more smooth and it didn’t. As someone who values achievement, I’m a chronic overachiever, that was very disappointing for me. That was a little heartbreaking for me because I felt like I should have been doing more.

They should have been doing more. Why was this so hard? But when I stepped back and I gave myself a little bit of grace and gave them grace, they didn’t ask for this. They didn’t ask to be doing all their schoolwork at home at the kitchen table. They didn’t ask to be separated from their friends.

Nobody was prepared for this. No one would have even imagined that we would be operating our school programs like that. But to give them a little bit of grace that everybody did the best they could. The teachers did the best they could. My children did the best they could. I did the best I could.

And that this is just a small blip. I know 2020 feels like it’s eight years long, but really it’s just a small blip.

We’re Not in the Same Boat

And when I remind myself that my intent going into this, when I learned that we were going to be distance learning and that we were going to be home and everybody was going to be together, I had made a commitment to myself that I was going to try to maintain peace in my home. And that when I saw that they were emotionally fragile or struggling, that I was going to back off. And I held steady to that commitment.

So when those grades came in, when the progress reports came in and I saw that we kind of fell short academically, it was really hard for me to tamper that achievement side of myself and to remind myself that the commitment there was for their emotional support.

That we weren’t fighting at home. That when they were tired or frustrated or upset that I gave them a break. And when I was tired and upset and frustrated that I gave myself a break and that I gave myself that space to recognize that times were really hard.

So give yourself grace. Give your family members grace. Give your neighbor grace. You don’t know what your neighbors are going through. You don’t know what is keeping them up at night, what they are stressed about. If they have had a family member that has been affected by COVID, or if they are struggling to keep their business doors open, or if their child had a huge milestone that they were really looking forward to and that milestone looked a little different than a traditional milestone.

Everyone is handling this trauma, and trauma is really what it is, in their own way.

I love a quote that someone said early on back in March. They said, we’re not all in the same boat, but we’re weathering the same storm.

And that was really profound to me because we are all in different boats. Sometimes I feel like it depends on what kind of day I’m having as to what kind of boat I’m in. Sometimes I’m in a little rowboat that has a hole in it, and I’m just bailing water trying to stay afloat. And sometimes my boat is more like a nice boat. I’m pretty set up. I’m pretty comfortable. I’m cruising right along.

But we’re all in different boats weathering the same storm. Our experiences are uniquely ours, and we’re all doing the best we can with what we’ve got.

Practicing Kindness Daily

So give yourself grace. Give others grace, and remember that this too shall pass.

The other point that I want to touch on in this podcast is to practice kindness. Practice kindness to all. So when you’re giving grace, that you’re also extending a hand of kindness. You’re extending a kind wish. You’re extending a kind intent.

Leave people better than you found them. When you see that something is triggering someone else, or you see that someone is unraveling, especially on social media, don’t contribute to the pain. Acknowledge people’s feelings. Understand that they’re coming from a place of hurt, or that they just want to be heard.

And if you have a complaint about something, really check yourself. Is this a complaint that’s really worth it? Is this the time? Is this the place? Is this really what matters in this moment? Or is this going to matter in five days or five minutes?

I think that we have to pull ourselves out of reactionary leadership and really zoom out to gain perspective as to how we want to show up. What do we want our actions and our words to say about who we are as individuals?

Kindness is probably the simplest yet most powerful way to really show up in life and make a difference for others. And in turn, it makes a difference in yourself. Because what you put out is what you receive.

And I invite you all, if you’re listening to this and you’re feeling totally tapped out, and you’re feeling exhausted and you’re feeling frustrated and you’re feeling unsure, to just ask yourself, what is the kindest thing that you can do for yourself? And what is something kind that you can do for someone else?

So as quickly as hate and rage and anger can spread, imagine what kind of world it would be if we spread kindness with that much passion.

And so that’s really what I want to leave with you today. I want you, number one, to acknowledge that the last couple months have been really hard. Whatever you’re going through, however you’re feeling, acknowledge that you and I have been going through a really hard couple months.

Give yourself grace. Grace is a beautiful thing. Grace over perfection. And then practice kindness. Kindness to yourself, kindness to others.

So not exactly my regular upbeat podcast, but it’s what’s in my heart. And if you’re listening and I know that you’re looking for something that’s uplifting and inspiring, all I can say is that it starts with you. You are only in control of your attitude and your effort.

Stop the cycle of pain. If you’re wrong, if you’ve been wrong, acknowledge it. Own it. Give yourself grace. And then do better. Because when we know better, we do better.

And with that, leading ladies, until next time, take the lead. Thanks for tuning in for another episode of the Leading Lady podcast. You can find all of the links and information mentioned in this episode at www.leadinglady-coaching.com. If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to subscribe to the show so you don’t miss any future episodes. While you are there, it would mean the world to me if you would take a few seconds and leave me an honest review. This will allow me to be able to help other high-achieving women find inspiration, connection, and develop strategies to live and lead with purpose and intention. See you here next week.