Transcript

Question

Transcript

Accepted Answer

Hi there. You’re listening to the Leading Lady podcast. I’m your host, AliceAnne Loftus, and I’m a certified professional coach specializing in leadership and work-life balance. I work with clients to shift their limiting beliefs, insecurities, and self-doubt. This podcast will be filled with tools and strategies to help high-achieving women like you feel connected, empowered, and in the lead of your life, both personally and professionally. Let’s transform your life starting now. Lead yourself, the rest will follow.

Hi there, leading ladies, and welcome to today’s episode.

I am going to be sharing with you one of my absolute favorite acronyms. I have worked in the education realm for over 20 years. And let me tell you, teachers, we have some acronyms. But this one I use so much in my life, probably daily. It is by far my favorite acronym, other than the LEADER acronym. This is my favorite acronym that I have used in all aspects of my life.

I believe that this acronym was actually created to help reduce online bullying, so I guess it’s relatively new, new-ish, 20 years. But I have talked to my own children, my teenagers, about it, and how they show up in the world, what they post on social media, how they talk to their friends, how they talk to themselves. And like I said, this acronym is something that I have used in so many, if not every single, aspect of my life.

The acronym is THINK, T-H-I-N-K. I’m going to walk you through it. And I hope that as we go through it, you start to think about how you are showing up in your world, as a leader, as a business owner, as a woman, as a mother, as a friend. How could this acronym help you in your own life?

T Is for True

Okay, so before you speak, you should THINK. In the acronym, T is for: Is it true? Is this fact? Or is it really just an opinion, either your opinion or an opinion that was shared with you? Or is it a feeling? How can you know and be clear that the information you are sharing is true?

Okay, so how does that show up in our lives? Is it true? Are the things that we are saying to ourselves in our mind chatter true? How do we speak of other people? Are we speaking true things, facts about things or people? Or are we sharing opinions of people, or rumors, or feelings about people or events?

I could probably do a whole other podcast on little-t true and big-T True: true being your truth, and True being a well-known fact that you could fact-check. So when you speak, regardless of who you’re speaking to or with, the words that come out of your mouth should be true, either your truth or a fact.

Helpful, Inspiring, and Necessary

H: Is it helpful? Does this help you? Does it help someone else? Does it help a situation? Because there are a lot of truths out there that can be said that really just are not helpful, not helpful to you or to the other person or to the situation. So, is it true? Is it helpful?

The I is for: Is it inspiring? Or can it improve on the silence? I love that the I has two meanings. Is it inspiring? Does it improve the silence? Because let’s be real, sometimes silence is golden. But if you can say something that is inspiring or improves the silence, and it’s helpful, and it’s true, okay, keep talking.

And N: Is it necessary? Would this be better left unsaid? Or does it help the conversation? Does it give insight or meaning to the conversation? Is it a necessary fact or a necessary perspective that should be shared in the conversation or with the situation?

K Is for Kind

And finally, the K is: Is it kind? What is your motivation for communicating? Is this kind? Does it come from a kind place in your heart? What is your intent? What is your objective?

I cannot stand the phrase “brutally honest.” Why does honesty have to be brutal? At a recent workshop that I attended with Erin Harrigan, she’s a fellow Leading Lady Ambassador, she challenged us to drop brutal honesty and focus on loving honesty. And I absolutely love that, because you can be lovingly honest in all situations. Loving honesty is kind honesty. It’s sharing information in a kind way, with the intent to help, to inspire, to motivate, to encourage, to uplift. And if those are not your intentions or the motivation of the information you are sharing, then what is your intent? What is your motivation? Kindness goes a long way.

So before you speak, THINK. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring, or does it improve the silence? Is it necessary? And is it kind?

Using THINK as a High-Achieving Woman in Leadership

So how does this play into all aspects of our life, especially as high-achieving women in leadership? So often, as women, we have had to really work hard to be assertive in our communication. And with being assertive, we’ve run the risk of sounding aggressive. I’m not here to censor how you speak, or to tell you to be timid or be soft-spoken as a leader. No. Okay? But use the acronym THINK. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Does it improve the silence? Is it necessary? Is it kind? What is the motivation for your communication?

I think that as high-achieving women, we have to use our voices. We have to use our voice in our leadership role, whether we’re leading our family, our business, the boardroom, or just ourselves. Well, not just ourselves, because we have to start with how we lead ourselves. However and wherever you’re showing up as a leader, go back to that THINK acronym and ask yourself those questions.

Starting With Your Mind Chatter and Those Closest to You

Even with your own thoughts: Is what I’m thinking true? Is what I’m thinking helpful? Is it inspiring or improving my life? Is it necessary to think these things? Am I being kind to myself? Am I thinking kind thoughts of others? So start with ourselves. Start with your mind chatter and go through the THINK acronym.

Use the THINK acronym in how you speak with those closest to you: your children, your spouse, your family members, your mother, your brother, your sister, your best friend, anyone that’s closest to you. Are you using the THINK acronym as you’re speaking to the people you love and hold dearest to you? Oftentimes, we let down those guards, we let down those walls, and we speak freely, because we take for granted that those people are there.

I’ve shared recently that years and years ago, my husband said, “Everybody else gets the best of you, and I get what’s left of you.” And that was like cold water splashed in the face. He was right, because I was so exhausted from having to think about my words and put on this facade that I was so put together, spoke eloquently, and kept my emotions in check. I would just let loose with my feelings when I was with those I felt safest with.

However, shouldn’t we be the most thoughtful with them? Shouldn’t we always be thoughtful, regardless of how close people are with us? Are we speaking to them with truth? Are we being helpful? Are we inspiring, improving the silence? Is it necessary? And are we being kind?

And as we’re showing up as leaders, talking to our employees or to whoever we’re collaborating with, our partners, other businesses: Are we speaking truth? Are we helping one another? Are we inspiring and improving? Is what we’re sharing necessary? And are we being kind?

Venting, Complaining, and the Problem and Solution Rock

I think about the Leading Lady community, and there’s so much to share. I can’t stand places, like Facebook groups, where you go in and everyone’s venting and complaining, and it just becomes this little vent session of all the things that are going wrong. Okay, so some of it might be true. I guess it could be helpful if you’re stopping someone from doing bad business with somebody. Is it inspiring or improving the silence? I don’t really think of venting as inspiring or improving the silence. Is it necessary? Sometimes venting is necessary. But my general rule on venting is that if you’re venting to someone who can’t help you come to a solution, then you’re no longer venting, you’re just gossiping. And is it kind? Probably not. Most complaints are not kind.

So when is the appropriate time to vent or complain as leaders? When is it appropriate to vent or complain?

I received this rock from my coaching school. It’s a beautiful rock. It’s green, and on one side it says “problem,” and on the other side, it says “solution.” When I first got the rock, going through coaching was a huge transition for me. Not that I was a huge complainer or venter, but shifting that mindset from focusing on the problems to being solution-minded or solution-focused is not a natural transition for most people. It certainly was not a natural transition for me.

And so I allowed myself the space and the grace to complain. I would set the rock down on the table with the word “problem” facing up, and I would set a timer. “Okay, I’m gonna give myself three minutes to just talk about this problem. I’m going to say all the things that are wrong, how it’s making me feel, whose fault I think it is, and I’m just gonna vent to this rock about my problem.” And then when that timer was up, I’d flip the rock over so that the word “solution” was facing up. “I’m no longer going to complain or vent. I’m going to be in the solution mindset. I’m going to be solution-driven, solution-focused.” And with that, I found that I was naturally going through the THINK acronym. It was quite powerful, actually.

You don’t need a magic rock or a beautiful rock. Get a piece of paper and write “problem” on one side and “solution” on the other. Do this with your team. Give them the space, because sometimes we do need to let out a little steam. We do need to vent. We do need to complain. But when the complaints are never met with an opportunity to find resolution, to find solution, then they’re just in vain, and they will sour you from the inside out.

Go back to your acronym. Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring, or does it improve the silence? Is it necessary? And is it kind? What is the intention? So while there is always the need to get out some of the yuck when we’re experiencing something painful, bring it back to the solution focus. Bring it back to that THINK acronym and how you want to communicate within your organization and as a leader. Give people space and grace to let it out, and then bring them back into that mindset where you’re building each other up.

Using THINK When Giving Feedback

So how else does this show up? It can show up starting with yourself, how you think and speak to yourself. In your home, with those closest to you, how you speak with them and interact with them. In your organizations, how you’re leading your team, how you’re working with partners, how you’re managing collaborations.

And also when giving feedback. Feedback, again, as a leader, with your employees or your staff or your partners and those you collaborate with. But also feedback to other businesses that you patron, or in other exchanges that you have in organizations that you’re in. Go through the THINK acronym as you’re giving feedback. Is this true, or was it an opinion or a feeling? Is it helpful? Could this help them improve their processes? Is it inspiring, or does it improve the silence? That might be tough, but constructive criticism can be inspiring. It can improve the silence. Is it necessary? Is this something the business needs to know, or this partner needs to know? And is it kind?

Again, honesty doesn’t have to be brutal. Maybe you’re not giving loving honesty when you’re leaving a review or giving feedback to another business, but it can come from the intent of kindness, of wanting to help, of wanting to improve on circumstances.

I hope that this was helpful. Again, this is probably the absolute favorite acronym that I have. It’s something that I use in all aspects of my life, and I hope that it becomes something that you’re able to use as well.

So until next time, ladies, take the lead.

Thanks for tuning in for another episode of the Leading Lady podcast. You can find all of the links and information mentioned in this episode at www.leadinglady-coaching.com. If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss any future episodes. And while you’re there, it would mean the world to me if you would take a few seconds and leave me an honest review. This will allow me to be able to help other high-achieving women find inspiration, connection, and develop strategies to live and lead with purpose and intention. See you here next week.

Podcast

272: THINK: What This Acronym Means & Why You Should Be Using It Daily: Fan Favorite Replay

271: 6 Key Components of a Successful L.E.A.D.E.R. : A Fan Favorite Replay

270: An Interview With the Leading Lady Interns: Their Biggest Takeaways and Accomplishments From the Internship Program

269: Don’t Forget the Person Behind the Business

268: How to Break the Toxic Cycle of Comparison, Negative Self-Talk, and Perfectionism with Elizabeth Harris: Fan Favorite Replay

267: Celebrate Your Success: Fan Favorite Replay

266: The Importance of Showing Up as Prepared and Professional In Your Business: Fan Favorite Replay

265: Anxiety and Perfectionism: Fan Favorite Replay

264: Shifting Your Mindset to See Opportunity In Challenges: Fan Favorite Replay

263: The Strategy Behind Delegation with Gala McCray

262: From Intern to Impact: A Fresh Strategy for Team Building

261: The High-Functioning Fog: The Mental Health Behind the Scenes of Success

Programs

Resources

Audit your life and business to pinpoint what needs your focus.