247: Why Women Entrepreneurs Get Discouraged and How to Keep Going

Hi there. You’re listening to the Leading Lady podcast. I’m your host, AliceAnne Loftus, and I’m a certified professional coach specializing in leadership and work-life balance. I work with clients to shift their limiting beliefs, insecurities, and self-doubt. This podcast will be filled with tools and strategies to help high-achieving women like you feel connected, empowered, and in the lead of your life, both personally and professionally. Let’s transform your life starting now. Lead yourself, the rest will follow.

Hi there, leading ladies, and welcome back to the Leading Lady podcast, where we talk about leadership, business, and the real-life journey of being a woman entrepreneur. I’m your host, AliceAnne Loftus, and today we’re diving into a topic that every single woman in business has faced at some point or another: discouragement.

I tell you, there is probably not a day that goes by that I don’t get a text or a phone call or an email that says, “AliceAnne, I am so ready to quit. I am so discouraged. I don’t even know why I’m doing this anymore.” And let’s be real. Entrepreneurship isn’t for the faint of heart. It is an emotional rollercoaster.

It’s filled with highs and lows, wins and setbacks, clarity and confusion. And for us women, there are even more layers to navigate, because we’re often juggling multiple roles and managing expectations, both our own and the expectations of others. And we’re carrying the weight of wanting to, dare I say, do it all.

So why do we get discouraged? And more importantly, how do we stay focused on our mission, vision, and values when it feels like everything is working against us?

Why Women Entrepreneurs Get Discouraged

So why do women entrepreneurs get discouraged? First, let’s acknowledge some of the biggest reasons we hit that wall of frustration.

Number one, unrealistic expectations. We put enormous pressure on ourselves to be successful right away. Right away. I don’t know anyone that just woke up one day and said, “I’m gonna be successful today,” and boom, it happened. And so when things take longer than we expected, we start questioning if we’re even on the right path.

I see this time and time and time again. I wanna say especially with new businesses, but I see it every time there’s a new business or a new product or a new service or a new launch. If it doesn’t take off the way we expected it to or envisioned it to, we immediately see it as a flop.

We’re like, “Ah. Oh, why? Why? I really thought that would land better. I really thought that was gonna be the thing that everybody wanted to buy and wanted to have.” And sometimes we have to step back and recognize that it might take time. It might take time for the market to really understand what that is and why they need it.

Comparison and Self-Doubt

Number two, comparison and self-doubt. Oh gosh. We live in a social media world, and social media makes it look like everyone else has it all figured out. Even yesterday, I had three different people message me, and they’re like, “AliceAnne, you are killing it.” “Oh girl, you are on fire.” “You so have your act together.”

And I’m like, “Really? Because I feel like I am a dumpster fire right now.” Of course, we all had a good laugh. But what we see, or what we perceive as someone else slaying it or hitting all the marks or just crushing it and really showing up… Maybe things are really great. I mean, I don’t want you to think that everything you see on there isn’t real. But the truth of it is, you’re only seeing the snapshot of what people want you to see.

So when you’re comparing yourself to how somebody else is showing up, you’re really kind of starting with a disadvantage, because you don’t know the whole truth. You don’t know the work, the frustration, the flops that happened behind the scenes for anyone else. And we shouldn’t be comparing ourselves to others anyway.

I mean, okay. Okay. It’s hard not to compare, especially when someone’s in a similar niche or a similar industry as you. You kinda wanna see, “Hey, what are you doing? What’s working for you? How can I maybe add that or modify it or replicate it in some way to help me out?” We all want a little piece of the pie there. But there’s a healthy comparison, and then there’s a comparison that just does not serve you.

When you start going down that comparison rabbit hole, you completely lose what makes you unique, what makes you you in your business. And that comparison is just the breeding ground for self-doubt and imposter syndrome. So when we start to see other people’s highlight reels, and we see all the successes, and again, the snapshots that they want us to see, it’s so easy for us to go, “Why is this so easy for them? What am I doing wrong?”

Again, you don’t know what’s happening behind the scenes, and you don’t know who’s looking at you and thinking, “Oh, that girl has it all together.” You just don’t know. So ask yourself, “Is this a healthy comparison that’s helping me to uplevel, or is this a comparison that’s making me doubt myself, or even worse, be filled with that green monster of envy?”

You Were Never Meant to Do This Alone

Number three, lack of support. Women are natural caregivers. We pour into our families, our friends, and our businesses. But if we don’t have a strong support system, we end up drained, because we’re trying to do everything alone. I’ll be the first to tell you that you cannot do this alone. We are not meant to do this alone.

We don’t live in a bubble. It is important to surround ourselves with people who are cheerleaders and champions for us, who believe in us, who encourage us, and who challenge us in so many ways. I think probably one of the greatest relationships you can have as a woman entrepreneur is your spouse.

Someone once told me, “One of the biggest business decisions you’ll make is who you’re married to.” Maybe some people agree or disagree, or if you’re not married, this doesn’t apply to you. But I know for me that was a big thing: having a partner that, even if he didn’t understand what I was doing, reminded me to believe in myself and gathered resources to support me through that.

And even if he did have questions or challenged what I was doing, he never did it in a way that stifled me. I guess I just never heard the words, “No, don’t do that.” And maybe that’s because he’s an entrepreneur as well. He is not risk averse. I’m probably more cautious with risks than he is. And I just really appreciate that I had him behind me in everything that I ever attempted, and that he just encouraged me along the way.

Having friends that support you. They don’t necessarily have to understand you. I mean, in my core group of best friends, none of them are entrepreneurs. They don’t always get what I’m going through, but they hear me out and try to understand what I’m going through. And they cheerlead for me. They tell me how proud they are of me.

They tell me when they see things that they’re impressed by, and that feels good. It feels good to have people in your corner that are clapping for you, and clapping for you in rooms that you’re not even in. That was a huge shift for me in really understanding what kind of friendships I wanted, and then also in building business friendships.

I’m so grateful for my business besties, the people that are also building their businesses. When I’m having that day of major discouragement and I call them up and say, “That’s it, ladies, I’m throwing in the towel,” they’re like, “Okay, AliceAnne. Yep. We’ve all been there. What’s going on?” And they help talk me through it.

As I’m talking about this, I’m also realizing that your support system doesn’t come from just one person. One person can’t be all the things to you. That’s not to say you need lots of people, but you need maybe a variety of people, a variety of perspectives, to give you that support, to help you see the blind spots, and to help encourage you in different ways. Because you are multifaceted, you want people that see all the different parts of you and can continue to encourage you and support you as you need.

Fear of Failure and Burnout

Number four is fear of failure. I mean, golly, is there anything scarier than just flopping on your face? Nobody wants to fail, let’s be honest. But sometimes we’re so afraid of making mistakes that we stop taking action altogether. I’m a recovering perfectionist, and I never wanted anyone to see any of my flaws. That often left me paralyzed.

You hear about that paralysis by analysis, and I would just drag my heels on things, or it had to be just right. That’s not really who I am anymore. Now, most people would describe me as building the plane while also flying it. But it took time for me to just say, “You know what? Here I go. Here I go. And if I fail, then I’ll learn from it.”

But people aren’t naturally wired that way. We are naturally wired to run away from discomfort, to protect ourselves, to not be vulnerable, to not fail. That’s literally how we are hardwired. So of course we’re gonna have fear of it. And I think the mindset work that really happens there is to look at failure, or to look at setbacks, as opportunities to learn, opportunities to grow, improve, and try again.

And that’s gonna take a lot of mindset work. If you are someone that’s stuck in fear, I would encourage you to work with a coach or a therapist or someone that can help you shift from that judge’s mindset to a learner’s mindset.

Burnout and overwhelm. In last week’s episode, I talked about not having to choose between business strategy and well-being. But oftentimes, as women, we think if we just work harder, we’ll finally get ahead. Instead, we run ourselves into the ground. We’re feeling exhausted, uninspired, and disconnected, and it’s hard for us to even remember why we started in the first place. Burnout is so real. It’s so real.

So does any of this sound familiar? Are you feeling any of these things? If you are, please hear me when I say you are not alone. And more importantly, please hear me when I say you are not stuck there. You are not stuck there.

How to Stay Focused on Your Business

So how do we stay focused on our business? Okay, let’s talk about how we can push through or push aside the discouragement to keep moving forward.

Number one, I’m gonna invite you to reconnect with your why. When things get tough, go back to the reason why you started. Why did you start your business? What impact do you want to make? Your why is your anchor. Lemme say that again. Your why is your anchor. If you are feeling lost, revisit it. Write it down, say it out loud, and let it guide you.

Number two, stop playing that comparison game. We’ve already talked about this. There is healthy comparison, and then there is comparison that does not serve you. No one else has your exact journey. Everything that you bring to your business is so uniquely you. No one has had your experiences. No one has your perspective. No one has the lessons that you’ve learned along the way.

With the success you see online, you don’t know if that’s someone’s chapter one or their chapter 20. It’s comparing apples to oranges. So instead of comparing, focus on your progress and celebrate your wins, no matter how small.

Number three, build a strong support system. Entrepreneurship can feel isolating, but you do not have to do it alone. Call me. Call me. I’m the first person to say you do not have to do this alone. Surround yourself with like-minded women who get it. Find a mentor, join a networking group, or invest in a coach. I kinda happen to know one if you need a recommendation. But the right support will remind you that you’re not crazy and that you are absolutely capable. Absolutely capable.

And number four, just like I said, shift your perspective on failure. What if failure wasn’t something to fear, but something to learn from? Every successful entrepreneur has failed, I promise, probably multiple times. And the difference is they don’t stop. Failure isn’t a sign to quit. It’s a lesson, a redirection, and a stepping stone.

Prioritize Rest and Take the Next Right Step

Number five, ladies, I’m gonna say this louder for those in the back: prioritize your rest and your joy. Yes, you are building a business, but you’re also building a life, and if you don’t take care of yourself, your business will suffer. If you need to go back and listen to episode 245, please do, because you do not have to choose between a successful business and your personal well-being.

Schedule your rest. Do things that bring you joy. The more fulfilled you are personally, the more successful you will be professionally. I promise. I promise. I promise. I promise. I have lived that. I believe it to my core, and I have seen and felt that shift within myself and with others.

Number six, take the next right step. When you are overwhelmed, you don’t need to have it all figured out. Just take the next right step. I feel like I’m channeling my inner Anna from Frozen. What’s the song? And now it leaves me. But it’s like “The Next Right Thing.” One small action in the right direction is still progress. Okay? One small action in the right direction is still progress.

You Are Capable and Worthy

So my final thoughts for you today are: you are capable, you are worthy, and I encourage you to just keep going. If you’re feeling discouraged right now, hear me when I say this. You are not alone. You are capable, and you have everything you need to make your dream a reality.

I think I might’ve said this in my book, but you have everything you need, and everything you have, you need. You have everything you need, and everything you have, you need. That is what makes you you.

Success is not about never struggling. It’s about learning how to keep going despite the struggle. So take a deep breath, shake off that self-doubt, and remind yourself that you’re building something incredible. Say this loud and proud: “I am exactly where I need to be, and I will not give up on myself. I am exactly where I need to be, and I will not give up on myself.”

If today’s episode resonated with you, I would love to hear from you. I do read and respond to every message and email. And if you wanna share this episode with a friend, if you think somebody needs to hear these words, please do so. Of course, you can check me out at www.leadinglady-coaching.com.

But until next time, take the lead. And, whew, I haven’t done this one before: keep leading, keep believing, and most of all, keep going.

Thanks for tuning in for another episode of the Leading Lady podcast. You can find all of the links and information mentioned in this episode at www.leadinglady-coaching.com. If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to follow the show so you don’t miss any future episodes. And while you’re there, it would mean the world to me if you would take a few seconds and leave me an honest review. This will allow me to be able to help other high-achieving women find inspiration, connection, and develop strategies to live and lead with purpose and intention. See you here next week.