284: 6 Strategies for Building and Leading Your Online Community: Fan Favorite Replay 

Hi there. You’re listening to the Leading Lady podcast. I’m your host, AliceAnne Loftus, and I’m a certified professional coach specializing in leadership and work-life balance. I work with clients to shift their limiting beliefs, insecurities, and self-doubt. This podcast will be filled with tools and strategies to help high-achieving women like you feel connected, empowered, and in the lead of your life, both personally and professionally. Let’s transform your life starting now. Lead yourself, the rest will follow.

Hi there, leading ladies.

Today I am going to talk with you about what it takes to really create and nurture an online community. Two years ago, I created the Facebook group Leading Ladies with AliceAnne Loftus, and we are just over 4,500 members. I have absolutely loved seeing how this group has grown, and how women leaders in all walks of life and in all leadership roles have really come together, not only to share their experiences and their stories, but to support one another, encourage one another, and feel empowered, while also empowering other women leaders to just show up as their best selves.

I know that I’m a little biased in how much I love this community, being that I am the creator. But I have to say that it’s probably one of my favorite places to visit online, because I get to meet so many incredible women. And I have loved watching this community grow. Not only has it helped me as a coach and in building my business, but it’s also helped me personally in really creating and connecting with other women and developing meaningful relationships.

I’ve had many other creators of groups reach out to me and ask me very specific questions about how I have grown the group, how I keep members of the group engaged, where I come up with content, and how I keep the group relevant. I think that those are all really important questions to ask. And to be honest with you, I really show up as just myself. I treat the online community as if all of these women were coming into my home or coming into my place of business. And I nurture those relationships just like I would the real face-to-face connections that I make on a daily basis.

Authentic Without Oversharing

So often, we see people that really come out of their shell, or they show up online very different than who they are in person. Sometimes you have people that would happily rant on a public forum. But when you meet them face to face, you realize that they’re not really confrontational, or they’re not so quick to share their opinion. But for some reason, when we’re behind a computer screen or behind a keyboard, things come out that wouldn’t necessarily be said face to face.

I have been very intentional that how I show up online is authentic and in line with who I am as a person. I don’t put anything out online that I wouldn’t say to somebody who was standing in front of me. And I am extremely cautious, because I recognize that anything that I put out there, even if it is in a private group, nothing on the internet is really private. So I want to make sure that any message that I put out there is a true reflection of who I am as a person and as a professional.

Another thing that I want to make sure and emphasize in today’s podcast is that while I am authentic online, I don’t always show the whole picture. I try to be very respectful of my children and my husband and personal details about my life. So while I might not share those things in great detail, I always remind people that they’re only getting to see a very small snapshot of who I am.

So there’s a balance there in showing up authentic but also recognizing some personal boundaries. To be authentic, you don’t have to share every intimate detail of your life and your family. Some of that stuff is just oversharing. So I’m also cautious to let people know that what they see in the group is just a small picture.

Recently, I shared that just because I’m showing up as a positive person online doesn’t mean that I don’t also have similar struggles as an entrepreneur or as a small business owner, especially in times like COVID-19, or any normal challenges that entrepreneurs or any women in leadership face.

So I think my point here is that you can be authentic without oversharing. It really is a delicate balance. And only you can make that decision as to how much you want to share to connect with your audience. But you also want to make sure that what you’re sharing is authentic to who you really are.

Being a Social Emotional Leader

So the number one question that I get from other leaders of groups or other creators of groups is how to get your message out there and how to build these communities in these forums without coming off as super salesy. Because in all honesty, this group was created for me to not only build a community and connect with other women leaders, but to have exposure as to who I am as a leadership and business coach. So how do you do that? How do you build a community without coming off as a sales pitch every time you open your mouth?

What I really want to share with all of you who are listening, if you’re thinking about building a Facebook group or some sort of online community on any platform, is that it’s really important to first and foremost make sure that you’re showing up with the intention to be a social emotional leader. This goes for live communities where you’re meeting face to face, too. Let’s say you have a book club or a networking group that meets at a restaurant or anything like that. If you are the leader of it, you really have to be cognizant of the social emotional needs of your community.

So what does that mean, to be a social emotional leader? To be a social emotional leader, you have to really live in accordance with your values. You want to stand up for the wellbeing of others, see people’s innate potential, and be open-minded to different and multiple voices. Also, view the group or the community as an opportunity to create win-win scenarios for all. You have to care for the biosphere. And also believe that change is possible, and you have to live that change.

So it’s really being open-minded, letting everyone’s voice be heard, but also looking out for the group as a whole. It’s more than just one person’s ideas or one person’s thoughts. And certainly, at least for Leading Ladies, it’s not about only my thoughts and my perspective. That would be very boring if people only heard my perspective, and I didn’t allow or encourage others to share their perspective and really keep an open mind to how others think and feel.

So if you’re thinking about creating some sort of community or group, either in person or online, here are some things that I would suggest that you could put into practice that would enhance the overall social emotional health of your community.

Celebrate Wins and Acknowledge Everyone

Number one, allow people to record their wins. I do this by asking what’s going well. This is a really great practice to do, at very minimum once a week. Allow people to celebrate what’s going well for them. Where are they winning in life or in business? So often, especially as women, we feel that we can’t share what’s going well for us. We can’t toot our own horn, so to speak, or have a brag moment. If you give people in your community the opportunity to share what’s going well for them, that’s a way of sharing their happy, encouraging them to celebrate themselves and to celebrate others.

Number two is to follow something called the 10 and 5 principle. So if you’re in a group that’s meeting face to face, like a networking group or a meeting, or even just walking through a public place, if someone’s within 10 feet of you, acknowledge them with a smile. And if they’re within five feet of you, say hello.

I have been to so many public meetings. As you all know, I’m a little bit of an introvert. I’m a little socially awkward when it comes to being in a crowd or somewhere new. I know that doesn’t always come off in a podcast or online, but I’m actually quite shy, and have considered myself to be a more reserved person in public. It is really uncomfortable to be somewhere and not know anyone, and no one makes eye contact with you or smiles at you or says hello. So if you are fostering or nurturing a community or group, make sure that you are taking the time to acknowledge people, make eye contact, smile, or say hello.

Now, how does that work in an online platform? Well, for a group of 4,500 members, I really do my part and encourage my moderators or my ambassadors to comment on people’s posts, or like them, give them a thumbs up or a heart or some sort of reaction. That’s a click. Let people know that their posts are being seen. And if someone tags you in a post or shares something about you, or to you, or for you, acknowledge them. If someone shares one of your posts, thank them.

So I really take that 10 and 5 rule, that 10 feet, five feet rule, and I have adapted it to an online practice. If someone is making an effort to show up in my online community, I’m going to acknowledge them. And if they tag me or ask a question, or share something that I posted, or if they comment on something that I posted, I always make sure and go back and comment back to let them know that their thoughts and their words and their presence in my online community really matter to me.

Prime for Positivity and Stay Curious

Number three, prime others for positivity. Ask what’s going well, what’s good in your life, instead of just “How are you?” For those of you that have been part of the community or know me in real life, you know that a question that I ask is, “How is your heart?” That means so much more than just “How are you?” I’m asking for you to share with me how you’re really feeling. I’m giving you space to share how you feel at your core.

And when we give people that primer that says, “I am really truly invested in knowing what’s going on with you and how you’re doing,” that gives people the space and the permission to be human, to just show up, and know that you will accept them wherever they are.

With that, like I said, you also want to prime them for positivity. I start every day in my Leading Ladies group by asking some sort of positive-focused question, whether it’s “What are you going to do today to make today great?” or “What’s something you can do today to make yourself proud?” It’s really about taking that mindset and shifting it, and encouraging your community members to focus on what’s going well in their life.

Number four, be curious, not judgmental, with your community members. If someone shares a post or says something that maybe feels a little off, rather than judging them for maybe not knowing the rules or guidelines of your community, or for saying something that’s not really in line with the purpose of the community, rather than berating them or judging them or letting them know that they did something wrong, that’s a really great opportunity for you to ask them questions. Ask how you can give them clarity on the group, how you can support them, or try to understand what perspective they’re coming from, so that you can create a more meaningful connection and show them that you really care about who they are and their thoughts and their opinions and their contributions to the community.

It’s coming more from a place of curiosity and the willingness to learn and grow together, rather than just shutting someone down because whatever they said or did doesn’t really align with your group.

Now, if it comes back and you find that they really don’t care about the guidelines of your group, or they don’t want to follow the guidelines or the agreements of the group, then you would take it the next step and just say, “I understand that this might not be something that you were considering, or maybe it’s not in alignment with who you are and what you want.” And you’re able to part ways without there being some sort of blowup or negative confrontation. Once you really understand someone’s purpose and intention behind their actions or their posts, then you can make a better decision as to whether or not that’s a relationship you want to continue to nurture, or if it’s better to just part ways.

Positive Expectations and a Learner’s Mindset

And that really takes us into number five, which is to choose positive expectations. Frame things as opportunities and not threats. And remember that the choice is always yours in how you show up and how you respond.

When we’re in threat response, our negativity bias gets activated, and our field of vision becomes very tunnel vision. It’s very narrow. But when we keep a positive frame, and we look for the good intent or the positive in people, it allows us to have a broad view of how people are showing up. It allows us to keep a more open mind. And that then enables us to give people the opportunity to share their perspective without us immediately feeling attacked or threatened in our group.

So I think really, when we choose positive expectations of people, when we look for the good in people, we take things less personally. And it just helps us to reframe it, so that we are not under attack. We want to believe that people have the best intention when they’re participating in our groups.

And then my final suggestion, number six, is to continue learning. Have a learner’s mindset. This helps build that psychological muscle. So commit to it as a process, just as you would working out your body. Everything that you do in your group, you must do it with consistency. You don’t have to go out and build this extreme group that is doing incredible, mind-blowing things. You just have to be consistent, and your community needs to be able to trust that consistency from you.

Show Up as a Leader in Your Community

So I hope this was helpful, and that it shows you some real tips and strategies on how to show up as a positive leader in your groups, in your online forums, and in your networking communities.

So to wrap up today’s podcast, I really just want you all to be thinking about how you’re showing up in your communities, both in person and online. And remind yourself that you are a leader. Because you’re a leader, you are looking out for the wellbeing of others. You want to be and see the change in the world, and with your group, you can bring a group of people together, both in person or online, for a common good. Being positive, being a social emotional leader, is contagious. And it really feels good to be part of something like that.

So if you have any questions on how to start a group, either in person or online, or if you’re just looking for more support in how to get better engagement and really nurture those relationships in that community so it flourishes, don’t hesitate to reach out to me.

And until then, take the lead.

Thanks for tuning in for another episode of the Leading Lady podcast. You can find all of the links and information mentioned in this episode at www.leadinglady-coaching.com. If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to subscribe to the show so you don’t miss any future episodes. While you’re there, it would mean the world to me if you would take a few seconds and leave me an honest review. This will allow me to be able to help other high-achieving women find inspiration, connection, and develop strategies to live and lead with purpose and intention. See you here next week.